Being separated from kids after divorce can be one of the most difficult times of a parent’s life. The pain of not seeing kids on a daily basis and can cause separation anxiety for parents, and the pain of being separated from kids is unlike any other pain imaginable. Even when you know you’ll see and visit with your kids again, adjusting to the change can be difficult to say the least.
After divorcing many years ago, I remember the feelings I experienced when my kids were visiting their dad during the long weeks of summer. I felt alone, anxious, confused, and very empty inside. Countless times in the past, I longed for a little time to myself, but when I finally had it, I was sad and truly miserable. The grass wasn’t green on the other side. I wasn’t used to being in a home void of activity and the sounds of kids playing, but I managed to make it through those difficult times.
If you’re separated from your kids, for whatever reason, you can also make it through those difficult times. There are positive ways parents can cope with separation from their kids. These positive ways to cope will make you a stronger person while improving the relationship you have with your kids. You’ll accomplish tasks you’ve put on the backburner, and when your kids return, they’ll appreciate your love and the efforts you’ve put forth more than ever before.
Keeping in Touch
Staying in touch with kids is one of the best ways to cope with being separated from them. Depending on the circumstances, this isn’t always easy, but staying in touch in whatever ways possible can help parents cope with being apart from kids.
If possible, call your kids on a regular basis. Parents sometimes wait to hear from their kids, and they’re disappointed and hurt when the calls never come. In reality, parents should be the ones to initiate calls. If divorced or separated parents aren’t on good terms, kids might not want to call for fear the other parent will feel betrayed.
Writing has always been one of my emotional outlets. Writing unleashes suppressed feelings, and writing helps sort out problems that were otherwise too difficult to figure out without seeing them in black and white.
Write letters to your kids regarding your daily activities and hopes for the future. Let them know you care, but don’t share too much of your pain. Don’t write about regrets or the past. Kids shouldn’t be burdened with worry or suffer any more pain themselves, thinking that you can’t function without them.
Even if your kids never see the letters you’ve written, you’ll feel better as a result of your efforts. Writing is fantastic therapy you can give yourself, and it’s a great way to cope with the pain of separation.
Coping With Being Alone
The times I felt the worst, when my kids were visiting their dad, were the times I was completely alone. I didn’t have distractions to take my thoughts away from the pain of separation, and these were some of the lowest emotional points in my life.
The sunniest days were the most difficult. They reminded me of the good times spent outdoors when all was well, back before problems overtook the marriage, and back when I was unaware of what the future had in store. I hated to see the sun, and I didn’t want to see others having a good time. The world continued to turn, and life went on without me.
If you find yourself sinking further into sadness when you’re alone, spend time with friends and family. While this isn’t possible all the time, make a conscious effort to place yourself amongst those who care for you. They’ll provide the distraction you need to take the edge off the pain while separated from kids, and you’ll have someone near and dear to talk to if the need arises.
Staying Busy
Daily distractions are also great ways to cope with being separated from kids. The best activities of all are those that indirectly involve the kids. Doing something for the kids will not only take your mind off being alone, but it will also make you feel like you’re parenting them from afar while planning for the future.
While separated from kids, do the long needed improvements to their bedrooms. Paint the walls, wash the windows, and let the sun shine in. Do the stenciling you’ve always wanted to do, or give the room a makeover with new window treatments or a new border. Cope with being separated from your kids by doing something special to improve their lives. When they come home they’ll realize how much you missed having them around, and they’ll appreciate the love that only you can give.
