For ten years, the extremely successful sitcom Friends gave us a glimpse at life in New York City for 6 very close friends. Within every episode, the main characters, Ross, Chandler, Joey, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe, all undergo a variety of experiences dealing with work, relationships, marriage, etc. Some of the issues addressed range from the everyday to the completely random. The way in which they deal with these experiences provide audiences with comedy and laughter. Comedy allows us to address sometimes serious and important issues in a lighter way without directly offending any one specific. In the sitcom Friends, comedic scripts subtly shape the way we view gender roles and stereotypes, often times without us even consciously recognizing it. As Lane Crothers so appropriately states, “Gender is among the most powerful concepts in social life, one with effects that transcend easy categorization or labeling and yet which appear (and reappear) to shape, reinforce, and challenge cultural attitudes, values, and norms” (Crothers). Having been one of the most popular sitcoms in television history, Friends has played a huge role in shaping American gender norms and reinforcing specific stereotypes.
There are various important relationship dynamics within the show that shape the way we view acceptable gender roles. One of the most evident is the friendship between Joey and Chandler. Throughout the series, there are multiple occasions where the two are mistaken for a gay couple. In one of the earlier episodes, titled The One with the Baby on the Bus, both men offer to watch Ross’ infant son for the day. Both Joey and Chandler decide to take the baby out into the streets for a walk. While out, they are immediately mistaken for a gay couple by a woman they meet outside of a store. It is clear that the woman’s assumption that they are gay offends them and both make it known that they are completely heterosexual males. A bit later, while on a bus, they begin chatting with two women sitting beside them. Joey begins the conversation by saying, “We’re just two hetero sexual guys hanging out with the son of our other heterosexual friend doing the usual straight guy stuff” (The One with the Baby on the Bus). It is clear that he feels the need to insert that disclaimer because he was embarrassed and affected by the assumption he might be gay. By beginning the conversation that way, he is reassuring himself of his own masculinity while portraying it to the women beside him. The scenario “equates gayness with a lack of masculinity” (Sloop 319). Throughout the show it is a common thread between the three male main characters, they must always assert their masculinity for fear of being viewed as a homosexual.
Later on in that same episode, both Joey and Chandler accidentally leave the baby on the bus because they are distracted and intrigued by the two women. They finally end up locating the infant in the Department of Health Services. The two enter the nursery only to be faced with a new dilemma: which baby is theirs? In the end, they decide to flip a coin to see which baby they will take home with them. These actions seem to reinforce the stereotype that men lack any parental and caretaking instincts. This chain of events also reinforces the stereotype that men are almost solely sexually driven and lose all sense of responsibility when attempting to impress a female.
This episode addresses some interesting issues. Most evidently, it reinforces the stereotype that any men in close relationships should be mistaken for gay. It seems to discourage men from confiding in one another or spending too much time together for fear of losing their masculinity. Although Joey and Chandler most often participate in well-known male activities, they are still always concerned with being mistaken for a gay couple. This seems to represent a double standard – all of the women on the show talk and participate in activities to the same extent Joey and Chandler do but are never mistaken as lesbians. The show portrays that if men are too close they lose their masculinity and their heterosexuality.
The topic of homosexuality is addressed in another episode filmed during the same season titled, The One With Phoebe’s Husband. Within the episode we learn that at an earlier point in Phoebe’s life, she married a man in order to get him a green card to the United States. When she originally married him, she was under the assumption that he was gay and that the marriage meant nothing to the both of them. However, within this episode he meets up with her to inform her that he is not, in fact, gay at all, but has been straight all along. Phoebe is shocked and disappointed and proceeds to list off all of the reasons she thought he must be gay. She states, “How can you be straight? You’re so smart and funny, and you throw such great academy award parties!” (The One with Phoebe’s Husband). She then asks him how long he has known and he responds by saying, “Well I guess on some level I always knew I was straight… All my friends are gay; I was just trying to fit in… I don’t have a choice in this, I was born this way” (The One with Phoebe’s Husband).
Although this scene backwardly addresses the issues of being gay in America, it is clear that this depiction of homosexuality is presented through a heteronormative lens. As Larry Gross states in Queer Words, Queer Images, “When [homosexual] groups or perspectives do attain visibility, the manner of that representation will itself reflect the biases and interests of those elites who define the public agenda. And these elites are mostly white, mostly middle aged, mostly male, mostly middle- and upper-middle class, and (at least in public) entirely heterosexual” (Gross, 143). The entire scene seems to mock the issue of coming out as a gay individual in America. Many of the issues he claims to struggle with as a newly admitted straight man are the same issues many gay men and women deal with on a daily basis. To try and say that any straight person could possibly understand or feel as though they were the minority completely undermines the fact that homosexual Americans face struggles everyday. This scene allows many to continue thinking that homosexuals make problems for themselves and that society does not create it for them.
Although the topic of homosexuality arises frequently within the series, it is not the only thing concentrated on. The women in the show also deal with their fair share of issues and expectations. In one of the first episodes within the second season, titled The One With the Breast Milk, Ross’ ex-wife, Carol, brings their infant to Monica’s apartment and proceeds to breast feed him in front of everyone. The women continue their conversation while both Joey and Chandler quickly exit the area. It is clear by their departure that they are extremely uncomfortable with the act of breast feeding in public and do not know how to react to the situation. Ross approaches the two and states that breast feeding is the “most natural, beautiful thing in the world…If you’re uncomfortable, just ask questions” (The One with the Breast Milk). The men return to the living room and are encouraged to ask any questions. Joey’s first and only question is, “If he blows into one, does the other one get bigger?” (The One with the Breast Milk). A question such as this seems to stigmatize and trivialize the act of breastfeeding publicly. Still currently a public issue, poking fun at such a natural aspect of a woman’s life undermines her both physically and emotionally. Many women feel as though there should be no shame in performing such a natural act. However, because society is uncomfortable with bringing the private out into the public, televisions series such as Friends are able to make jokes and reinforce stereotypes.
Additionally, the issue of tasting the breast milk comes up. The group is upset when Phoebe tests to see if the milk is the right temperature and then licks it off her wrist. Rachel yells, “Phoebe that is juice squeezed from a person!” (The One with the Breast Milk t). They treat Phoebe is though she has eaten some poison instead of recognizing that the same milk gives the baby nourishment. When the issue is brought up in front of Carol, who is now admittedly gay and in a relationship with another woman, she proceeds to explain how it is natural to taste the milk. Her partner even tells them how she has personally tasted the milk. This information makes Ross extremely uncomfortable because he is still angry and embarrassed that his wife left him for another woman. The conversation then shifts to see if Ross is brave enough to drink the milk himself. Again, a scene such as this trivializes a woman’s ability to breast feed and makes it shameful to perform in public.
Later in that same episode another plot develops between Rachel and Monica. Ross’s new girlfriend Julie has invited Monica on several shopping dates without Rachel knowing. Unfortunately, Rachel soon finds out about these get-togethers and confronts Monica immediately. An argument ensues that is very similar to a stereotypical argument between husband and wife when one is caught cheating. Monica claims that the whole thing started out very innocently and then led to shopping in some of Rachel’s favorite places such as Bloomingdales. Monica says to Rachel, “It didn’t mean anything to me, I was thinking of you the whole time. I never meant for you to find out” (insert). Although this is simple a dispute between friends, the meaning behind it is much more significant. This scene puts a comical spin on a normally very serious issue – marital infidelity. Monica’s response to being caught is something generally associated with the husband and is completely mocked by the fact that they’re fighting over secretive shopping. Additionally, Rachel’s dramatic reaction to the places they’ve shopped reinforces the stereotype that women are materialistic and superficial. Had they been hanging out together anywhere other than Bloomingdales, Rachel would not have become so upset.
Later within the series, the episode titled The One Where Rachel Goes Back to Work, deals with two separate work issues. The first is between Monica and Chandler, who are looking to adopt a baby. Chandler recently lost his job and the two discuss the consequences of adopting without a male income. Chandler is uncomfortable with the situation because he wants to feel as if he’s supporting his wife and the baby. He doesn’t want to take a break from working because of the common assumption that “those [fathers] who take advantage of parental leave or flexible work benefits are seen as less invested in their careers” (Kathleen M Galvin, 48). Chandler has always held a respectable job and does not want to lose that image. Additionally staying at home with a child is typically seen as a more feminine role than masculine and Chandler’s character is always attempting to assert his masculinity.
Also within the same episode, the issue of Rachel going back to work is addressed. Upon visiting her office one day, she realizes her company has replaced her with a man. He has taken over her office along with all of her projects. When she confronts him, he tells her that “While you were on your ‘baby vacation,’ I was doing your job” (The One Where Rachel Goes Back to Work). Rachel realizes that if she does not return to work soon, she will lose her job. This scene represents an issue many women face – how to balance work and family. According to Buzzanell and Lucas, “As children are typically born during women’s early career stages, the discontinuity in their careers may mean that they are not able to develop their reputations to the fullest extent possible…Even brief leaves of absence (maternity leave) often are associated with penalties in long-term earning power” (Buzzanell and Lucas 166). It is clear within this episode that in order for a business to thrive, a woman will be quickly replaced by a man who does not struggle with her same issues. This episode teaches women that it is not acceptable to go on maternity leave in the corporate world and that, in order to remain successful, women must refrain from having children.
Rachel’s sudden return to work makes it urgent for both her and Ross to find a nanny. This is a common problem married couple’s face when both desire to hold a job. In the episode, The One With the Male Nanny, they interview various people to see who is qualified for the job. Their main concern is to find a caring, trustworthy and capable nanny to care for their daughter. They’re unimpressed throughout all of the interviews until they reach the end. Their last candidate is named Sandy, has a degree in Early Childhood Education, and has worked with a previous family for three years. Both Rachel and Ross are under the impression their last candidate is a woman until they meet him at the door. During his interview, Ross is offset by Sandy’s overly feminine characteristics and bluntly asks, “Are you gay?” Sandy replies “It’s okay; I get that a lot doing what I do. But I am straight… I realize it’s a bit unorthodox for some people, but I really feel the most satisfying thing you can do with your life is take care of a child” (The One with the Male Nanny). When Sandy steps out of the room, Ross and Rachel discuss whether to hire him. Rachel is impressed by his qualification and character and cannot understand why Ross is uncomfortable. Ross ends the conversation by saying, “It’s weird… What kind of job is that for a man? It’s like if a woman wanted to be… King?” (The One with the Male Nanny).
Although a comical ending to the scene, many important issues are addressed during this interview. The scene represents and important issue in our society – the sexual division of labor. According Ashcraft, “Everywhere we turn, we see a clear distinction between ‘men’s work’ and ‘women’s work'” (Ashcraft 102). Women are most often associated with more nurturing fields of work such as teaching, daycare, nursing, etc. Male jobs, however, do not include nurturing behavior, and most normally work in more hands-on or technical jobs. It is not as socially acceptable for a male to start work in a female oriented job. Men who work as nannies or in daycares often lose their masculine image and are seen as homosexual – just as Ross asks Sandy if he is gay. The interview scene stigmatizes any many who cares a great deal about children and who wants to work with them. Again, the general conception is that either the man is a homosexual or is somehow perverted for wanting to work so closely with children.
Throughout its ten years on television, the sitcom Friends made a strong impact on American society. Although only a lighthearted comedy, Friends addressed many issues still currently discussed. As Larry Gross puts it, “The mass media provide the broadest common background of assumptions about what things are, how they work (or should work), and why. Television in particular has achieved a scope unequaled by any other medium in modern society” (Larry Gross 143). Millions of people all over the country watch sitcoms like Friends and are influenced by the message they give out. The various scenarios within in Friends can be seen as a mark of the issues within a certain time period. David Pierson states, “The sitcom can be understood as a historical and cultural document for observing and scrutinizing dominant social manners at any particular time period, especially those relating to gender, social class, and relationships” (Pierson 45). Friends will be remembered as a representation of the lives of average Americans and the stereotypes held within that time period.
Ashcraft, Karen Lee. Back to Work: Sights/Sites of Difference in Gender and Organizational Communication Studies.” The Sage Handbook of Gender and Communication. Ed. Bonnie Dow and Julia Wood. California: Sage Publishing Company, 2006.
Buzzanell, Patrice M. and Kristen Lucas. “Gendered Stories of Career: Unfolding Discourses of Time, Space, and Identity.” The Sage Handbook of Gender and Communication. Ed. Bonnie Dow and Julia Wood. California: Sage Publishing Company, 2006.
Crothers, Lane. Globalization and American Popular Culture.” EBSCOhost. 5.6 (2006): 10pgs. 10 December 2007.
Galvin, Kathleen M. “Gender and Family Interaction: Dress Rehearsal for an Improvisation?” The Sage Handbook of Gender and Communication. Ed. Bonnie Dow and Julia Wood. California: Sage Publishing Company, 2006.
Gross, Larry. “What is Wrong with This Picture? Lesbian Women and Gay Men on Television.” Queer Words, Queers Images: Communication and the construction of Homosexuality. Ed. R. Jeffery Ringer. New York: New York University Press, 1994.
Pierson, David. “The Modern Comedy of Manners.” The Sitcom Reader: America Viewed and Skewed. Ed. Mary M. Dalton and Laura R. Linder. Albany: The State University of New York Press, 2005.
Sloop, John M. “Critical Studies in Gender/Sexuality and Media.” The Sage Handbook of Gender and Communication. Ed. Bonnie Dow and Julia Wood. California: Sage Publishing Company, 2006.
“The One Where Rachel Goes Back to Work.” Friends. NBC, New York. 2003.
“The One with the Male Nanny.” Friends. NBC, New York. 2003.
“The One with the Breast Milk.” Friends. NBC, New York. 1995.
“The One with Phoebe’s Husband.” Friends. NBC, New York. 1995.
“The One with the Baby on the Bus.” Friends. NBC, New York. 1995.
