I am proud to say that I have gone natural and no longer use a relaxer, but there is still something about that transition that is bittersweet.
I love having this fluffy afro, but I also miss my straight hair. I had relaxed hair for most of my life, and it’s all I’ve known. So having to get used to fluffy “nappy” hair was difficult.
Now that I’ve been natural for two years, it’s now easier to deal with, and I’m starting to love my hair. But sometimes it’s difficult to be the only black woman in the room that doesn’t have hair of silk like all the other black women. Their hair is straight and flow-y, and mine looks like a cotton ball. I sometimes feel like the ugly duckling.
The best thing about having this afro is that most people seem to like it on me. I received more compliments for this fluffy hair than I did for my relaxed hair. I’m thinking that people like it because it’s something new and uncommon-unlike relaxed hair.
And I love how healthy my hair is now. I never knew what harm was being done to my hair until I stopped relaxing it. But dealing with my natural hair texture was a beating at first because I had no idea how to do it. Relaxers truly make your hair easier to style. The things you can do with relaxed hair are endless. Plus it helps you blend in with everyone else. When you have straight hair, you look like all the other ethnicities that have straight hair. Having natural black hair kind of makes you stick out like a sore thumb-and of course, you kind of feel like the ugly duckling at first.
The downside to relaxers is that they weaken your hair and makes it vulnerable to breakage, which was a big problem for my hair. According to some professionals, no-lye relaxers are even more harmful for our hair than lye relaxers because they rough up your hair cuticle, which makes it hard for it to absorb moisture-which is exactly what relaxed hair needs the most.
I remember when I combed my relaxed hair, all I could hair was “snap, snap, snap”. I would look at my comb and saw my straight, no-lye relaxed hair lodged in the teeth of the comb. I didn’t think my relaxer was the cause of it, but I knew that it had to be something. I just assumed it wasn’t getting enough moisture. So I started moisturizing my hair more. But my hair wasn’t absorbing the moisture the way it should, then I knew that it had to be what I was putting in my hair that was the cause of all this.
My hair looked dull, it was brittle, and it was dry no matter how much moisturizer I putting on it. Nothing helped. The only thing I could think of was “stop with the chemicals and the heat”. I then started to wean myself off of heat styling and chemical styling until I had no more interest in putting that stuff in my hair. It was just too damaging. It took me two years to finally get my hair to a point where it is no longer a pain in the butt to style. But I still think I have about another year before my hair has the complete look and feel that I want.
I just want black women to know that relaxers make our hair look beautiful, but the long term effects may be harmful. There have been some reports that these chemical treatments can cause cancer, too! But if we want to be beautiful we should try to make sure the beauty lasts. I don’t know how beautiful our hair would be in the future if we keep using these relaxers. We don’t want to be bald, do we? Going natural may not be for everyone, but I would ask you to consider it especially if your hair seems to be as damaged as mine was. You’ll have a rough time at first, but the end results are worth it.
