Several years ago, I was prescribed Zoloft for a rough bout with depression. Initially, I was terrified to take the medicine, fearful of the side effects and how it might make me feel. I consulted numerous doctors, therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists and friends to guide me through the process, to inform me of their experiences with antidepressants and to lay out all of the possible outcomes that might occur while taking the medicine. Many of them told me that Zoloft was perfectly safe and that the side effects were negligible. I was feeling so horrible about myself and about my life that I decided something had to change. Nothing could be as bad as the depression I was experiencing. I took my first pill and waited, anxiously, for the side effects to kick in. Days passed and nothing “bad” happened. As a matter of fact, the world began to open up before my eyes. I could see the silver lining behind the clouds and I could tell that things were getting drastically better. The funk that had permeated my entire being for over a year was starting to lift. Life was good but over time things began to change. I started to experience the dreaded side effects of antidepressants and in the end decided that coming off of them was the best decision for my health. I hope that my experience will give you some things to ponder if you are considering one of the many SSRI drugs available to us today.
Enter, side effect number one: Yawning. All things considered, this was not a troublesome side effect, more of annoyance really. After a week of being on 50 mgs of Zoloft, I found myself yawning, excessively, throughout the day. I felt that my yawning “episodes” were more problematic when at work, talking to my boss and trying not to yawn, not a fun thing to tinker with. Nothing to frightening, just irritating.
Side effect number two: Dreams. Within a few days of starting Zoloft, I noticed that I was having very bizarre and frightening dreams. Now, I have had bad dreams before but these were different. They were very terrifying and disturbing, often times happening on a nightly basis. After a month, the dreams had subsided and I was able to find rest while sleeping.
Side effect number three: Sex drive. We have all heard it, anti-depressants squash your sex drive. Well, believe me, they do more than that. I don’t think I even knew what a sex drive was while taking Zoloft. I will spare you the details on this one. Just be aware that it is non-existent for some while taking medicine.
Side effect number four: Apathy. You read it write. Apathy. I felt great because I wasn’t suffering with depression anymore but I really didn’t care what people did or said to me. Someone could let out a barrage of hateful words and I would not be phased. My favorite quote while on medicine was, “well, it’s their problem not mine.” Someone could tell me about something horrible that happened to them and I would think, “well, that’s just life.” I hated feeling apathetic because it is so foreign to who I am.
Side effect number five: Weight gain. No, I am not talking about 5 or 10 lbs. I am talking about 60 lbs, sometimes gaining 20 lbs in a month. I was 125 lbs when I started on Zoloft and 2 years later, I weighed in at 185. I used to think that people gained weight on antidepressants because they just didn’t watch what they ate, well, I was wrong. I watched what I ate and still gained, a lot. I asked the pharmacist why this is and he said he wasn’t sure. He told me that antidepressants may slow down our metabolisms by quite a bit and in some cases, it can cause us to crave excessive carbs. Whatever the reason, I gained an unreasonably large amount of weight over a very short period of time.
Side effect number six: Insomnia. I had an amazingly clean house because I only got two hours of sleep a night while on Zoloft. What else am I going to do at 2:00 in the morning? I wanted to be productive, so I cleaned, furiously into the wee hours of the morn. Insomnia is not a good thing when you are prone to depression in the first place.
I hope that my experience can help you examine the issue of antidepressants and whether or not they are a good fit for you. As always, discuss your options with your doctor and be an informed patient. In the end, I chose to come off of antidepressants for fear of my health. I was gaining weight at such a rapid pace that I was certain I would end up with diabetes, heart disease or another obesity related illness. I have since lost 35 lbs and am working hard to lose the rest. If you are on antidepressants and thinking about coming off DO NOT DO SO COLD TURKEY. Please consult your doctor and read the book Antidepressant Solution by Joseph Glenmullen. I followed the weaning process in his book and experienced no antidepressant withdrawal. Be an advocate for your health. In the end, you’ll be thankful you were.
