Children with autism or special needs, certainly are a puzzle to figure out, especially when it comes to rewards and discipline. It is often hard to distinguish between what the children can understand, whether they are in rebellion, having sensory issues, or just plain voicing their opinion. As parents, we are constantly looking at the context of the behavior, studying our child and doing our best to do what is needed. At times, we are extremely guilty of spoiling our child with autism or special needs because we are just unsure what to do. Then when our children grow into teenagers and young adults, their meltdowns become downright dangerous due to their physical size and strength. In order for our children with autism or special needs to grow into the people they are meant to be, rewards and loving discipline is extremely necessary!
ABA therapy is really great at using the rewards system to help with behavior for both sensory and rebellion issues. These can be applied at home also.
The rewards system gives the child with autism or special needs a feeling of accomplishment, purpose and a sense of consistency that they desperately need. Instead of allowing the children to have complete and total access to their “favorites” all the time, the reward system should be utilized. This is how the rewards system works. When the children either complete a task or exhibit desired behavior, then they “earn” and are rewarded with one of their favorite sensory activities and can also earn points/money towards “the store” so they can purchase a toy, favorite food, or special activity, such as computer time, game time, movie time or accumulate points for a fun outing. If they do not complete their task or exhibit undesired behavior, then first, get to the heart of the issue, to determine the next step of action. If the undesired behavior is due to sensory issues then those need to be addressed with sensory-friendly solutions. If it’s due to rebellion then the children have not “earned” their reward and therefore do not receive their reward and must continue to work to earn it. Sometimes, a “break” is needed to help the children calm down and refocus. The children can then go to a quiet place for just a few minutes to do so. Then the children can rejoin the activity and complete their task or desired behavior. One thing that is helpful is to always give the children the continued opportunity to earn their rewards, instead of simply taking the rewards away for an undetermined time. If rewards need to be taken away specify for how long and give the children more chances to earn the rewards back. Children with autism or special needs sometimes have a very hard time with the unknown and they may feel the reward is taken away forever, which is why it is important to set the time frame boundaries.
When I use the word discipline in this context, it is meant to “disciple” or to teach in love (as opposed to punish or harm) . First, and foremost, it is extremely important to get to the heart of the issue before doing any type of action to correct behavior. This requires asking a lot of questions and looking into the context of the behavior. If the child with autism or special needs is verbal, calm the child down as much as possible with sensory techniques and then calmly ask some open ended questions that start with why, how, what, etc.. If the child has difficulty with those types of questions then ask closed questions with answers of “yes” or “no” or give some other choices for the child to answer. If the child is either nonverbal or verbal ask the other people involved in the behavior event these same questions to discern the heart of the issue. If the behavior was due to sensory issues then those issues need to be addressed with sensory-friendly solutions and discipline is usually ineffective due to the children literally could not help their behavior. Sometimes, the children put themselves in very dangerous situations. It is best to study the children to determine the type of discipline that is effective in these situations because every child reacts differently. Sometimes, the children need to be removed from the situation, other times the object that is causing dangerous behavior needs to be removed and sometimes constant supervision and safety precautions are needed to keep the children safe. If children with autism or special needs are wanderers (or runners/explorers) then safety measures such as door, window and other child-safety locks are needed, harness backpacks need to be worn, or the children, if they are small, to be kept in a stroller while out and about might be needed too. Whatever is needed to keep the children safe is paramount. This takes a lot of effort, time and money but it is worth the peace of mind knowing that the parent has effective safety measures for the children in place. Sometimes the children might need very distinct discipline that will help them to remember to keep safe at all times. At times, removing dressers and other furniture from the children’s bedroom is necessary. Also having simple furnishing and décor and little or no clutter in the rest of the home is effective too. Every child with autism or special needs is different so what is needed to keep the child safe is also different.
The rewards system and loving discipline for children with autism or special needs helps them feel secure and helps with behavior and keeping everyone safe as well as enabling the children to engage in activities they might otherwise miss. All of this makes for happier children and family!
