Children who come from two or more different cultural backgrounds may face years of uncertainty and frustration as they try to work out who they are and how they fit into their multiple cultures. Teenagers in particular want to be able to fit in with their peers rather than stand out as “different”. A such, they may go to great lengths to disguise who they really are, suppress a second language and take on the characteristics of their friends. This may help teenagers feel included in their group of friends, but as they grow older they may lose touch with who they really are. Here are some things to look out for if you are a parent and how you can help your child to deal with a cultural identity crisis.
Language
Children who are born with parents who come from one or two different countries will often speak at least one other language as well as a dominant language, such as English. Rather than try and suppress these first languages in the home, it is the parents’ responsibility to try and keep the languages alive and to teach children to also be able to converse in their mother tongue(s). The ability to do so will give them the opportunity to form a relationship with relatives whose first language is not English. It also gives children an insight into their parent’s world, which can make them understand their parents’ culture(s) more easily, as well as make sense of the dominant culture in which they live in on a day to day basis.
On the other hand, children whose parents insist that they only speak English are giving out the message that their other language(s) are not important enough to maintain. It breaks an important link in a child’s life that is hard to reclaim later on in life. This action can do more harm than good, so try to keep hold of other languages within the home. They are not “dead” languages, even if you are unable to visit your country of origin on a regular basis. Language provides an important and instant link to home.
Teach cultural differences
Some immigrant couples move to another country and decide to bring their children up in the dominant culture, rather than maintain aspects of their culture that used to mean so much to them. They may reason that two or more languages will “confuse” their children and leave them wondering which country, culture and background they belong to. The truth is that they do not just belong to one cultural background. They have claims to two or more.
For example, a French mother and a German father living in America will want their children to learn about American ways so that they can be successful in school and later on in the workplace. But they should also learn about their two other countries that they belong to. Parents should teach them the geography of where they are from, what their countries are like, as well as attitudes and customs that are exclusive to where they are from. Children can learn so much just from listening to their parents talking about where they are from. This education forms a basis for comparison to the country in which they live. It also gives them a different perspective that their peers at school may not have an insight into. This knowledge can actually prevent children from developing narrow-minded ideals of the country they live in. It also lets them see a broader picture of the world around them and how things are done differently, rather than “wrong”.
Teach your children to appreciate your ethnic cuisine
While watching the Chinese-American chef Ken Hom during one of his cooking shows years ago he once stated that as a child, his mother would pack him a flask of rice and vegetables for his school packed lunches. Ken was the envy of all his friends in school, who brought in sandwiches. This statement made a big impression on me, as it made me remember occasions where I was in a similar situation. An important lesson can be drawn from this experience.
Parents should teach their children to first develop an appreciation for their ethnic cuisine at home and then later on in school too. Some children are afraid to do so in case they are asked what “that” is in their lunch box. Children are naturally curious and will often ask questions that adults would rather keep to themselves. That is why parents should teach their children that any such questions they face are not necessarily evidence of discrimination, just curiosity and possibly even envy. Well equipped children can then go on to teach others about a different cuisine that they may not be familiar with.
In order to provide the best possible help for their children, parents should start to consider some of the issues that their children may face before they are even born. Immigrants will not necessarily give birth to children who share the exact same values as they have done their whole lives. But they can do a lot to prepare their children to develop an awareness and appreciation for their other culture(s) that they also belong to, rather than distance themselves from them in the hope that this will be in their best interests. It will cause more damage than good.
