Mother’s Day is usually thought of as a fun, relaxing day with mom. But for some, this can be a very difficult day. What can you do for the mother whose child is no longer with her?
Give the Grieving Mom: A Gift of Your Time
A family member recently lost her infant daughter to a cord accident. I sought advice from friends of mine who lost children in order to find out what I should (or should not) do for this family member. Each mom told me to give her my time and listening ear.
If you know a mom who has lost a child, take her some coffee, baked goods, and tissues and have a chat. Ask her about her child. Ask to see pictures. She most likely will want someone to listen as she reminisces. There is a certain isolation that occurs with mothers who lost children because people do not know what to say. So instead of listening or talking about the child, they pull away. Do not do that. Let her know you want to hear about her child, no matter how long he or she was in the world.
Give the Grieving Mom: A Framed Photo
As I mentioned, most people want to give the grieving parent time to heal. Translation to the grief-stricken mom: left alone in isolation as if my child never existed. Yes, the wounds may be raw, but do not shy away from the subject. One great gift could be a special photo of that child.
I heard from an acquaintance that her son’s best friend was killed in a car accident. The boys had played soccer together for years. She found three photos of the boys in their soccer uniforms, one from grade school, one from middle school, and one from high school and put them together in a special frame. The mother who lost her son still treasures that gift and loves the happy memories it brings.
Give the Grieving Mom: Flowers
Flowers brighten any occasion and make a great gift for the mom who is grieving. Try to make it special for her. Flowers have different meanings and perhaps finding the right one could make the bouquet take on a special significance. For example: white carnations mean remembrance. You could include a card that reads, “In remembrance of your sweet son/daughter ______. Happy Mother’s Day.” For more about the meanings of flowers, go to AboutFlowers.com.
You could also send her a bouquet of her child’s favorite flowers. It means a lot to her that someone would remember that.
Another idea on flowers is to send a potted plant or cut flowers of her child’s birth month. This was suggested to me when my family member lost her baby at birth. I sent violets (February’s flower) in honor of the baby’s birth and homegoing month. For more on birth month flowers, go to Babiesonline.com.
Give the Grieving Mom: A Journal
If she is a writer, or likes to journal, a special mother’s day diary would make a great gift for the woman who lost a child. Crane & Company offer some beautiful journals and have a wide selection online. Go to Crane.com for more information.
Give the Grieving Mom: Remembrance Jewelry and Gifts
Depending on her tastes, there is a wide range of jewelry options. From something as simple as a charm for a bracelet to a locket, there are some great gifts. Here are some great places to find remembrance jewelry:
My Mommy Bracelets– This site has only a few items in the remembrance section but the prices are reasonable and the jewelry appears to be good quality. They have a nice engravable “always in my heart” charm if you want to personalize the gift.
My Forever Child- My Forever Child has a much larger variety of items and is entirely devoted to child loss and remembrance. The site includes photo jewelry, lockets, key chains (which would be a nice remembrance gift for the father too), suncatchers, rings, memorial candles, pins, and miscarriage gifts. And if you find yourself in doubt of what to say in the card, the site includes several poems and has other resources on how to handle the situation.
Lily Brooke Jewelry- This is an excellent site for any mother. The bracelets are well crafted and use Bali silver and Swarovski crystal. These bracelets are highly indivdualized, allowing you to create your own special gift using birthstone, name blocks, et cetera.
Whatever you decide to do for a grieving mother, know that the fact you thought to honor her means a lot. No matter how long she had her child, she is always a mother and will be blessed that you recognized it.
Sources:
http://www.aboutflowers.com/floral_b5.html
http://www.babiesonline.com/flowersbirthmonth/
http://www.crane.com/
http://www.mymommysbracelets.com/store/WsDefault.asp?Cat=Infant-ChildLossandRemembrance
http://www.myforeverchild.com/store/Default.asp
http://www.lilybrookejewelry.com/
