I have been a teacher for about twenty years. I can really say that I have had great and supportive parents all throughout my career. Every once in a while though, you end up getting a difficult or demanding parent that you have to deal with. These kinds of parents can really get on your nerves and drive you up a wall. Yet, you are a professional and must deal in a professional way at all times. I would say, and I think other educators would also agree, that a shouting match is never appropriate between a parent and teacher.
One year I had a shouting match on email with a difficult parent. This was just as bad as if arguing in person. It was over a Math problem on a test. This father felt like the directions were not clear because his daughter got the problem wrong. I had checked with other teachers and they thought my directions were fine. Anyhow, I kind of let the problem die down but I realize I should have handled it differently instead of standing my ground so strongly. To be nice, I could have given his daughter credit for the problem since she and her father thought that directions were not clear. I also remember telling him that if she did not understand the directions, that she could have asked. There are times when teachers do have to stand up for themselves, but it can be done in an appropriate and professional manner.
Another year I had a very difficult mother who questioned everything that I did. She complained numerous times to the Principal about me. She was well known in the school and had a reputation. In the end, she ended up liking me. Perhaps it was because I dealt with her in a gentler way. I didn’t let her step all over me and I did stand my ground on things, but I just handled things better than before. When I sent notes home to her in response to what she had written to me, I always checked with another teacher to make sure that my tone did not sound harsh. I still got the point across. As the year went on, things slowly got better because she saw that I was confident in what I was doing. It was not like it was my first year of teaching. I had some years of experience already.
The more experience I get with teaching, the more I learn how to deal with parents. I am a person that likes to be at peace with everyone. I do not like confrontations or disagreements. Unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world so these things do happen at times. I think there is a difference between compromising and standing your ground in an articulate way. The teacher is in charge of his or her own classroom and no parent should change that in any way. On the other hand, a parent should always be comfortable to approach a teacher with concerns, without feeling that tension may arise. I’ve learned a lot about dealing with parents since my first year of teaching. I feel that I have come a long way. I am at the point where I feel very comfortable now if I had to deal with another difficult parent. The bottom line is that you always need to act in a professional way, no matter what. It does not mean at all that you lost the battle. I have found that much more can be accomplished if two people reason in a rational way.
