So now you are a home-study ready family, congratulations. You have completed all the classes, gotten the background clearances done. You’ve had all the interviews and the home visit. Your journey into parenting through adoption has just begun. You CAN speed up the process from here on out. The more you know, the more you do, the faster things will happen.
Now you have reached the point of waiting to be matched with a child or children that are waiting in the US foster care system. If you are lucky (and had good advice at the beginning) you are working with an agency that can facilitate that adoption of children from both in state and from out of state. Being pro-active in the search process is vital to being matched sooner rather than later. You have the chance to seek children YOU are ready to parent, rather than having your worker make the first cut. You know your family best, and you have more time to be the primary advocate for your own family than your worker does. So, how do you begin?
1) Get your Home Study: Request a hard copy (and email copy if possible) of your completed home-study from your agency. Most agencies and workers (though not all) will take a non-official copy of your home-study directly from you for the first part of an inquiry. Later you or they can request your worker to fax or send an official one from your agency.
2) Create a family profile: a nice, first person write up of who your family is, things you like to do, your experience with children, a friendly description of your home, what you can offer a child, and what type of child you are open to parenting-i.e. age range, gender(s), history (trauma, neglect, abuse, etc…), special needs that you feel confident you can meet as a parent, and the level of severity of those needs. Make it very friendly and expound on things mentioned in the home-study, don’t just repeat the facts that are presented in the home-study. This is your first conversation with the worker who has children that may be a good match for you.
3) Create a picture album: photos of your family both at home and doing the fun things you mention in your profile. Include pictures of the home itself, particularly of the bedroom you have set up for a child, any toys (particularly large, outdoor toys) that you have gotten. Other helpful pictures can be of your kitchen, living-room, yard, vehicles, etc…any other place or photo that will help the adoption worker get a feel for who you are and for the environment you can offer a child in their care.
4) Visit waiting children photo-listing pages often: inquire on any children you are interested in considering (10-30 inquires a month is not unheard of as often inquiries go unanswered). Often you can not get more information on a child without a formal inquiry and submitting your home-study. By doing so often, many workers will see your information, and even if you are not a good match for that child, a child not yet photo listed may be the right match. Getting your information into the workers hands is the biggest part of the waiting. For links to web-sites and additional tips, see this article:
www.associatedcontent.com/article/482437/tips_for_finding_your_child_in_the.html
5) Follow up on inquiries: be the squeaky wheel (while still being respectful). Even if you do not get matched with that child, the family recruiter or child worker will remember you for the next child if you have made yourself a person to remember.
6) Follow through on all paperwork sent to you in a timely manner. Most family recruiters like to know you are serious and ready for a child if you are inquiring, and nothing can damage that first impression like procrastinating.
7) Listen to your worker after you have found children you think your family would be a good fit for, as they will ask the hard questions. However, being proactive gives you the chance to think about the issues beforehand, and thus to have answers to his or her questions. Your worker is your greatest ally and often the one who has to present you to others workers once you have made it to the selection committee. You need him or her to know that you trust his or her judgment and take concerns seriously.
8) Be patient. Often workers are overloaded with children. You will often hear from less than 50% of the inquiries you make. It is often a reflection of an overloaded system with overloaded workers, and a lot of turn over in the caseloads and workers. If you feel VERY strongly about a particular child, and inquires have gone unanswered after a few attempts (over about a month), then ask your worker to contact them directly. If that does not yield results, look up the info for a person higher up. The NACAC (North American Council on Adoptable Children) has contact information and can guide you to state adoption representatives who can help.
9) Stay positive. It can be a long road, with a lot of unanswered inquiries, not being selected for the forever family (or even selected for the final three families being considered), or selected only to get more information and find out it is not a child you are equipped to parent. Your child or children still wait, the more inquires you make, the more exposure you have to child placement workers, the more likely that your family will make the cut in the family selection process and go to committee.
10) Live your life. Remember to continue to live your life during the waiting phase. Once your child comes home, your life will change, even if you already have children. Each new person adds a new dynamic to your life, and your new child will as well. So use the waiting time to enjoy the life that you have right now. Use it to think of ways to introduce your waiting child into the things you enjoy. And use it to solidify your support system, because when you have a new child, you always need the friends and family members that love you to help transition the child into your life. If they are a big part of your life, they will also be a big part of your child’s life, keep them close during the waiting.
Always remember the reasons that you have for wanting to adopt, and remember there are thousands of children waiting for a family. With perseverance, hard work, and patience, you will be matched with the child that is a good fit for your family just as your family is a good fit for the child. Enjoy your journey!!
