Imagine this happening to you. You know of someone fairly close to you – a friend, a relative or a colleague – and he is dying of stage-4 cancer. What do you say? What do you do? How do you react to him or her when you meet up? These are very awkward situations, and can be very distressful for both people.
I highlighted this situation because I was recently confronted with such a situation. It was a close friend. I had known her for over 20 years. I had been postponing my visit because I felt I was not ready to face up to the fact that this would probably be the last few times I would see my friend.
I talked to my husband about my feelings and he said why not think about the good times I had had with my friend instead? Even for someone like me who has vast experience in writing about relationships, my mind in this case had just goes blank, and I needed someone else to help me deal with the situation, which my husband did.
Then I realized I could write a nice love letter and focus on the brighter things that had happened to both of us, the laughter we had shared, and the pranks we had played on each other and on other people. The love letter for this situation is rather different from all the other love letters.
Love letters for friendship and love is focused on personal feelings. The purpose of this type of love letter must be to elicit fond memories – memories which will help the other person feel whole, accomplished and satisfied with life.
In such a situation, the focus is not on the present situation. The best thing is to remember a funny situation, an eventful outing, a prank which brought plenty of laughter and joy or even a task that both of you accomplished with great satisfaction.
I decided to write about a group hitchhiking trip we did many years ago. During the trip, we fought, argued and got on each other’s nerves but it took one incident for our friendship to blossom. During the trip, I got into an accident and was hospitalized for a week. The group decided to go on with the hitchhiking program but she stayed back and kept me company throughout the week at the hospital even though she could have gone with the group. I saw a different side of her. I appreciated her even more.
That incident helped me look beyond our differences and I began to notice her caring qualities. We became fast and close friend from that day onwards. We now have our own families but we maintained our contact and relationship. She has become my best friend and I am going to miss her. I have asked her to reserve a place for me wherever she is going.
My letter was a personal one, and when she received it, she called me and just said ‘Thank you’ and then hung up. From the tone of her voice, I knew that she was in tears inside, and I knew my letter had touched her where it needed to.
I am glad I wrote that love letter to a sick friend.
