“We just got off the phone with your doctor. We’re going to induce you.” At 34 weeks pregnant, these were the last words I wanted to hear from the nurse as my husband and I waited in the tiny cubicle in the Labor and Delivery ward at the hospital. My back had been bothering me off and on the past couple days, but this evening’s pain pushed me over the edge, and we had gone to the emergency room. It turned out to be preeclampsia, and because of my dangerously high blood pressure, my liver and kidneys were starting to shut down. Like any pregnant woman, I asked the first thing that came to mind, “What about the baby?”
My daughter is now a boisterous two-year-old, and those frightening times are far behind us. They were frightening for multiple reasons; this was our first child, she was hooked up to a lot of machines, and we weren’t sure what was going to happen to her or how long it would be before (and what we would do when) we could take her home. There is a great deal of medical information out there on prematurity; here are a few ideas and suggestions on the everyday and practical concerns and difficulties of dealing with a premature baby.
1.) Check out the NI CU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) facilities before you need them; good hospitals will include information about their NI CU in their baby classes. This should include their NI CU level and any affiliations with area children’s hospitals. If know anyone who has had a preemie, ask them about their experiences with area hospitals. It was because of a friend’s horrible experience with another hospital that caused us to choose ours, and I am eternally grateful that we did. Our hospital had a top-level NI CU with affiliation with one of the best children’s hospitals in the region, and their staff was first-rate.
2.) Always take your “going to the hospital” bag with you, even if you think your emergency room visit is for nothing related to having a baby, and make sure to include something to work on in it – a good book, a small craft project, anything. After all, who would have thought that upper-back pain was actually related to high blood pressure and liver shut-down! I would have loved to have had something with me to distract me while I was in bed for the 24 hours after delivery.
3.) Don’t be afraid to touch, hold or nurse your baby. Medical professionals often get caught up in what is medically happening at the moment. I had to ask to hold my daughter for a couple minutes after she was born before they took her to the NI CU. Research has shown that physical contact can have profound effects on a premature baby – whether in the form of nursing, your partner holding the baby on their bare skin, or even something as simple as stroking your baby’s head, arm or tiny foot. It also makes a world of difference in your outlook as a parent, because you’re able to do something. Don’t be afraid to touch or hold – babies, even preemies, are a lot tougher than you think.
4.) Never assume the worst and do not panic! The first time I saw my daughter in NI CU, I was with my husband and she was on an open bed. The next time I went to see her, she was in a clear plastic isolette, and I was by myself. By the time her nurse finished with the baby she was working with and came over, I was nearly in hysterics. As it turned out, they keep babies in open beds so that they can get to them more easily if there is an emergency. The isolette was actually a step up for her.
5.) Ask the NI CU staff what to expect. Preemies are more susceptible to jaundice as well as RSV (a viral respiratory infection that is particularly brutal to preemies). They may have fairly standard procedures that you may not expect. I would have freaked out when I came to see my daughter when she had a feeding tube put in if the nurse hadn’t told us it was possible they may put it in to get extra air out of her stomach. Knowing what to expect, I was able to laugh with the nurse over the hissy fit my daughter pitched when she had spit up the night before.
6.) If you have friends or family ask what they can help with, don’t be shy! Whether they run a load of laundry for you, finish up those last few touches to the nursery, or cook a few meals for you (either to eat then or re-heat for later), they won’t know unless you ask. Sometimes the best thing they can provide is a shoulder for you to cry on when you’re scared for your child. Also, if you have financial concerns, there are organizations that can help. Ronald McDonald House provides low-cost housing while a baby is in the hospital, and they won’t turn anyone away for lack of ability to pay. Children’s Miracle Network can help with some additional expenses as well. Most hospitals have social workers who can help with your particular needs at the time. Churches and local charities can also help to fill the gaps.
7.) If you have to stay in the hospital and can’t have your baby in your room, request that you be placed in a private room, a room with another mother with a baby in NI CU, or that you have a family member stay with you. I cried all night when I was in the recovery ward and the lady next to me had her baby with her all. My husband has been forbidden from leaving me alone in a hospital ever again.
8.) Along the same lines, if you have any symptoms of postpartum depression, don’t try to tough it out. Talk to someone, whether it’s a family member, a friend, a member of the clergy, or a professional. If you are upset, tired and otherwise out of sorts, it won’t help you cope. I was surprised at the change in how I felt after I brought a few home-made pieces of clothing from home for my daughter; suddenly she was my little girl instead of the baby with all the wires and tubes and monitors. The lion my husband brought for her stayed right on top of her isolette where she could see it. Spend some of your “worry time” thinking about what you may need to change or get before your tiny one comes home. Will one of you need to change your employment so that they can stay at home with the baby, or is there a relative that can help out? I learned that there is a good reason why Wal-Mart is open 24 hours and stocks not only a good selection of frozen, toss-in-the-oven meals, but also a good selection of preemie clothing, home improvement, child-proofing and nursery items.
9.) The main concerns that a NI CU seems to have about all preemies is whether they are feeding well, gaining weight and maintaining their body temperature. This is also what your baby’s pediatrician will be concerned over. Ways to help with this include adding formula to breast milk for those feedings that someone else takes over to let you sleep, allow them to feed on demand, using a larger-sized sleeper bag (this has a closed bottom & no separate legs) in addition to a heavier sleeper or turning the heat up a little in the nursery), putting a sweater, booties and a hat on the wee one, or swaddling them in a blanket. As they get older, mix a slightly stronger formula mix (or use a formula specifically for preemies), add rice cereal to their formula, and continue to allow them to feed on demand. My daughter now thinks that a sippy cup full of milk is a toy, since I keep one available for her at all times, and after two years, she’s caught up in height and almost has enough weight on her to keep her pants up (thank goodness for overalls!)
10.) The best advice I can possibly offer is to not give a premature baby special treatment. They may not zoom along the development scales quite so quickly the first couple of years, but they’ll only lean on the crutches you give to them. If you tell them they are not capable of doing something, they won’t. If you don’t restrict them, they can do anything they set their minds to.
