Why do some people assume parents who don’t spank, don’t discipline at all? Sure, there are parents who let their kids run rampant. That’s true, even among those who use corporal punishment. Still, just because a parent doesn’t spank, doesn’t mean they don’t have rules, regulations and consequences in place. In fact, sometimes they have more.
Not spanking requires planning and purpose.
It’s not an easy way to discipline your kids. Believe me, I know. It requires patience and perseverance. When my kids were little, I put a lot of thought into the discipline I dished out. I made sure it was effective, not just painful. The end result is, I have grown kids who learned the difference between right and wrong without fear and shame.
Does spanking really equate with old fashioned common sense?
Another false perception is a supposed lack of old fashioned values and common sense in non-spankers. I happen to think not spanking teaches both common sense and values. For instance, I know my “punishments” always came as close to fitting the crime as possible. Why? I wanted my kids to make the connection between their actions and real life consequences.
Violence speaks louder than words, but what is it saying?
I agree, a smack on the behind certainly stops bad behavior instantly. Of course, then there are the tears, the temper and the latent resentment to contend with. What exactly are you saying when you use physical pain to discipline your children? Flaunting your superiority teaches nothing but submission. Do you want your kids to grow up believing they are inferior?
Respect begets respect.
Many supporters of corporal punishment cite a lack of respect as an issue with kids who aren’t spanked. In my experience, they don’t know what true respect is. It’s not fear. It’s not shame. Sit down with your kids to talk about their transgressions. Take the time to think before you strike. Decide on a fair consequence for their actions. All of this garners long lasting mutual respect between you and your children.
Parents who don’t spank, parent virtually guilt free.
Of all the things I’ve done as a parent, the only ones I’m ashamed of were the two times I spanked my kids. It was pointless. It taught them nothing. It was unproductive. I should have stepped back. On both occasions, I should have taken the time to come up with a more effective form of discipline. I felt bad. They felt bad. It was a no win scenario. I don’t know how parents can consistently spank their kids without guilt.
Does not spanking signify a complete lack of discipline?
For one thing, it takes a lot of self discipline to restrain yourself as a parent. For another, it takes a lot of creativity and caring to come up with more effective methods. So, in my book, the parent who doesn’t spank works a lot harder and gets better results. I’m tired of parents who spank ” lording it over” me the same way they lord it over their kids. We’re all equals here. It’s about time we started demonstrating that concept to our kids.
More from Jaipi:
5 Positive Changes Your Family Can Easily Make
Tone of Voice and Your Kids
Are You a Drama Mama?
