It’s a beautiful time in a young American girl’s life when she reaches the magic age of 21. She can finally legally drink and get into any bar she wants. Unfortunately, this new found freedom also comes with a sacrifice. Drinking too much of the wrong beers can turn your body from fabulous to flabulous. In an effort to prevent too much crunktastic weight gain, I’ve compiled a list of the lowest calorie beers that will get you drunk the quickest.
While it may seem like sound advice to simply drink the beer with the lowest calories, one should also take into consideration the alcohol content. If one has to drink a larger amount of the lower calorie beer to achieve the ideal level of drunkenness, then one might actually be consuming more calories. Theoretically, if you’re drinking a low cal beer, you’re probably doing so to prevent a weight gain. Consuming more calories is not the way to do that.
So, in order to determine which beer is the best to drink if you’re concerned about weight, I’ve done a series of mathematical equations. Using the Beer Calories charts from beer100.com, I’ve taken the calorie count of various beers (mainly lights) and divided them by the alcohol percentage. The result: a numerical score that can help us determine which is the best beer to drink and still stay skinny. Much like golf, in this study the lower the score, the better the beer (for our purposes, at least).
Domestic beers, ordered lowest (best) to highest (not so good):
Beer Name – Calories – Alcohol Content (%) – Raw Score
Milwaukee’s Best Light – 98 – 4.5- 21.77
Miller Lite – 96 – 4.2 – 22.85
Budweiser Select – 99 – 4.3 – 23.02
Michelob Ultra – 95 – 4.1 – 23.17
Coors Light – 102 – 4.2 – 24.28
Milwaukee’s Best Ice – 144 – 5.9 – 24.40
Keystone Light – 104 – 4.2 – 24.76
Yuengling Light – 98 – 3.8 – 25.78
Busch Light – 110 – 4.2 – 26.19
Miller Genuine Draft Lite – 110 – 4.2 – 26.19
Miller High Life Light – 110 – 4.2 – 26.19
Schlitz Light – 110 – 4.2 – 26.19
Bud Light – 110 – 4.2 – 26.19
Michelob Light – 113 – 4.3 – 26.27
Pabst Blue Ribbon – 153 – 5 – 30.6
Now, if you were just going by pure calories, the “lightest” beer in this list would be Michelob Ultra, at 95 calories. However, Michelob Ultra clocked in with a score of 23.17, placing it fourth on the list. While Milwaukee’s Best Light has more calories (though just three), it scored lowest on the chart, with a 21.77. Because it has a higher alcohol content, it can be assumed that Milwaukee’s Best Light would get you drunk faster, and therefore you would consume less beer than if you drank Michelob Ultra. Less calories would be consumed, which means you would have to burn less calories to stay in shape, but you’d still be just as drunk!
Please note that a 12oz Pabst Blue Ribbon, favorite beer of hipsters and indie kids nationwide, clocks in at a massive score of 30.6. One is faced with a crucial choice: street cred or physical build. Just wear skinny jeans and a decorative scarf while drinking your Milwaukee’s Best Light, and you’ll be ok. Don’t forget to mention the newest Girl Talk album while you’re at it.
Imported beers, ordered lowest to highest:
Beer Name – Calories – Alcohol Content(%) – Raw Score
Beck’s Light – 64 – 3.8 – 16.84
Amstel Light – 99 – 3.9 – 25.38
Imported beers proved to be a bit tougher. I only found three on the beer100.com list of imports that would even come close to being considered a “light” beer. However, these three scored pretty well compared to the domestic beers.
Beck’s Light easily beat all the other beers on this list, clocking in at a stellar 16.84. At only 64 calories, it has an alcohol content of 3.8%. So despite being able to get drunk off of less calories, you would still have to drink more when it comes to the actual amount of alcohol consumed. So, if you have a small stomach, this might not be the best choice for you.
Amstel Light received a respectable 25.38, which would place it ninth out of 19 if placed on the chart with the domestic beers (assuming Beck’s Light was added too). Keep in mind that while having 35 more calories than Beck’s Light, it only has a meager 0.1% higher alcohol content. When faced with the two, I’d go with Beck’s.
Overall, it looks like Milwaukee’s Best Light and Miller Lite are the best beers to drink if you want to get drunk and still stay in (relatively) decent shape. Of course, exercise and an healthy diet are the ideal ways to stay skinny, but drinking smarter can help. And, as always, while you’re drinking smarter you should remember to drink responsibly!
(Please note: beer100.com also has a beer from Sweden called “Nordik Wolf Light” listed, and while it receives a beer score of 23.40, unfortunately, according to various online sources, it has been retired by the brewers.)
(Also note: The author of this article is not an accredited physician, chemist, etc. All the statements in this article are currently hypotheses, with the exception of the basic beer information, which was obtained from Beer Calories, Alcohol, and Carbohydrate Content at beer100.com.)
