The following is a list of 100% actual questions received and documented primarily by a current airline reservations agent in Atlanta, (unnamed to protect the innocent) with a few added from my own experience. Dates are added where documented. Comments added for your pleasure.
Please sit back, relax, and enjoy the article. And remember, think before you ask.
1. Why don’t you fly from Newport News to Tri-Cities non-stop?
(Because you’re the only one that wants to fly between the two, and we want to stay in business.)
2. What brand of cookies do you guys serve?
(I don’t know but they must be really good to wait on hold for 20 minutes…)
3. Will my Sam’s Club card get me a discount on the fare?
(Maybe on Southwest…this is actually a common question)
4. Do I need a passport to travel within the United States? (17OCT03)
(Even though California might seem like another country, it’s still a star on the flag. A driver’s license is fine)
5. What is the phone number for United Health Care? (27OCT03)
(Our number isn’t even close to 411. As a matter of fact, I’m almost positive we use more digits. The sad thing is this nice fellow had to go through the automated system, where it says the name of the airline at least a dozen times)
6. What is the charge for parking at JFK? (08NOV03)
(I don’t know, probably overpriced)
7. What is the airport code for JFK? (17NOV03)
(The airport code for John F. Kennedy Airport is D-U-H)
8. Can I bring 10 boxes with me on the aircraft? (12DEC03)
(Sure, as long as the plane says UPS on the outside, knock yourself out!)
9. Can you page someone on the aircraft for me? (02JAN04)
(You’ve seen Die Hard 2 too many times. No, as cool as it would be, they still only let Air Traffic Control talk to the planes…)
10. Does “one way” mean there and back? (10JAN04)
(Remind me not to drive with her down a “one way” street.)
11. What time did my canceled flight on January 7th end up leaving? (10JAN04)
(Our supervisors listen in on our calls for “quality assurance purposes. I hope they got a big laugh out of me trying to respond to that little gem.)
12. Can I send my three year old on a flight by himself? (19JAN04)
(no)
13. Why does it take 3 hours to fly JFK-LAX, but it takes 8 hours to fly back? (10FEB04)
(a question received frighteningly often)
14. Do you guys fly from Beverly Hills to LAX? (17FEB04)
(Yes, we do. Look for the Cessna 152 with our logo on the tail.)
15. My friends are going to pick me up in Hartford, where are they going to park? (28MAR04)
(Uhhh, in a parking space would be my guess…)
16. Can you guys get someone other than the TSA to search my bags? (28MAR04)
(I hear Al Queda is offering.)
______________________
As a gate agent, these were probably the most common threats and complaints in order of frequency:
1. “I’m never flying this airline again!”
2. “This happens everytime I travel on you guys!”
3. “Do you know who I am?!”
4. “I’m gonna put you out of a job!” (goes with #3)
5. “You think this is funny?”
My personal favorite threat was by a woman who showed up after the plane left, spoke with clenched teeth, crazy eyes, and a finger pointed in my face.
“I wish I had a gun. If I had gun in my car, I’d walk out there. I’d bring the gun in here, I’d stick it in your face and I would blow your head off.”
Thats a good one to end on. Keep your eyes out for Diary of an Airline Customer Service Agent: Part TWO
