At the age of 19 I developed a skin rash. At first it wasn’t bad, just a little itching on my arms and legs. I figured it was just dry skin and I would apply a little moisturizing lotion to the areas. As the weeks turned into months, the rash got worse, thus began three years of pure hell going from doctor to doctor, developing a minor heart condition from the prescribed drug, developing a drug dependency, and even contemplating suicide.
It was early in the year 1979 when the rash first appeared. As winters tend to be dry in the Midwest, I concluded the rash to be dry skin and used various moisturizers to help ease the itching, including Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion. But, as winter turned into spring and spring into summer, the rash got worse and so did the itching. The rash started to spread all over my body, even on my scalp, so I decided to seek out professional help.
My regular medical doctor said it was just an allergic reaction to something (he didn’t know what), and gave me Prednisone in the form of pills. It was the countdown system of taking seven tablets the first day, then six the second and so on taking one less for seven days. He said to keep applying moisturizers to help with the itching and to take cool showers, not hot.
The rash went away and I finally had relief from all the itching. I had scars, but I figured in time they would fade. Besides I really didn’t care; I was just glad the itching had stopped.
After about three weeks, the rash and the itching came back. I continued to use Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion, but the rash and itching got worse and worse. I went back to my medical doctor and he said he would send me to a skin specialist.
It took four weeks to get into the skin specialist and by that time the itching was making my life miserable and I started to develop sores from the scratching. He told me he thought it was an Atopic allergy, but he did not know from what. He prescribed the same drug as my original doctor had months earlier and said to continue using the skin moisturizer. He never asked me if anyone else in my family had any skin problems.
After taking the Prednisone countdown, the rash went away. Again, relief came and I was enjoying life. I didn’t need any skin moisturizers because the rash was gone. By this time it was late summer and by fall I was pregnant with my second child.
I asked my OB/GYM about my taking the Prednisone over the summer and if it would hurt the baby. He said no because it was already out of my system before I became pregnant, which reassured my fears.
Two months into the pregnancy the rash and itching returned. My OB/GYN commented on it, telling me my treatment options, which there really weren’t any, as I refused to take any drugs while I was pregnant. I wouldn’t even take Tylenol when I had a headache for fear of harming my unborn baby. I was using moisturizers to help keep stretch marks from developing and to help the itching.
I suffered through the winter and spring months of the pregnancy, applying Vaseline Intensive Care lotion to the rash, taking cold showers, and trying to keep calm for the baby’s sake. By the time my son was born on June first my hands were red, raw and weeping. It even hurt to bend my fingers. I also had huge weeping sores on my arms and legs. I did get some relief on my hands as I started using rubber gloves to wash dishes and my hands got a little better. I continued this way for two more months as I decided to breastfeed. Finally I couldn’t take it any longer. I stopped the breastfeeding and again sought out medical help.
I went back to my medical doctor who was shocked at my condition, because I had not seen him for almost a year. I explained all to him, about the pregnancy, how the rash had come back after seeing the specialist and how I did not want to take any drugs while I was pregnant. He did not give me any medication; instead he referred me to an allergy specialist. It was the end of July and I was lucky enough to get in right away.
The allergy specialist did some testing but could not find anything I was allergic to. I told him I had never been allergic to anything in my life before, but he said I could have developed a new allergy and it might take some time to find out what it was. I told him what the skin specialist had said about an Atopic allergy, but this doctor ruled that out. I also told him what had temporarily fixed the rash in the past. Instead of giving the Prednisone pills, he gave me it in the form of a shot.
The rash and the itching started easing up the next day and by the end of the week the itching was gone and the rash was slowly fading. It stayed this way for three weeks and then, like clockwork, the rash came back. I returned to the allergy specialist and he gave me another shot. Again the same thing happened. Thus began a three week cycle.
After my fourth visit to the allergy specialist, he said I was too young to be getting so many Prednisone shots and that they needed to find what was causing the rash and treat it with non-steroidal medication. I got real scared about this. He was going to take away the one thing that helped me. I was doing great getting these shots every three weeks. I didn’t have the rash and the itching. I could wear short sleeve and short pants and material that didn’t irritate me.
After three weeks and the rash started to come back, I did the unthinkable. I had nothing to lose. I knew when my doctor would be out of the office and I knew when the staff would be busy, so I went to the clinic, up to the window and said, “Hi. I’m here for my allergy shot.”
The nurse pulled my chart and said, “We don’t have you down for an allergy shot.”
“I’ve gotten one for the last three months” I innocently said.
“Well, yes you have. Ok, come on in.”
And that was how it went for four months, until my doctor finally caught on. We had a long talk and he said he was going to refer me to another skin specialist as he was not able to find out what was wrong.
I went to the new skin specialist and after several visits and more Prednisone, he was not able to help me, so I quit going to him. I continued to use Vaseline Intensive Care lotion throughout all these months and continued to use it after seeing this new skin specialist.
By this time it is July in the year 1981 and I am worse than ever. I have two beautiful sons four and one year old. My relationship with my husband had deteriorated, as he was at a loss on how to help me. The itching was driving me crazy. I had huge weeping sores on my body and I could hardly move my fingers because my hands were so sore and raw.
The most lowest time in my life was upon me as I awoke one morning and started thinking of ways I could end my life. All that morning thoughts of suicide kept going through my mind. How could I do it? Should I take pills? What if the pills didn’t work and I lay comatose for years? What if this or that happened?
Finally I picked up the phone and called my mother. “I need help, Mom” I told her. She came over right away and we talked. In between my sobs, I told her what I had been thinking. She called my doctor, explained to the nurse what I was going through and they got me in right away. He talked to me in a quiet voice and firmly said I was going to have to stick with a specialist until they found out what was wrong. He knew it was not all my fault, but he wanted me to give the skin specialists another chance. Feeling total defeated and exhausted, I agreed. He gave me a prescription for a mild sedative and sent me home.
I went home and my mother, God bless her, stayed with me the whole day, and I had never loved her more than I did at that time in my life. I felt ashamed at what I had been thinking. How could I leave my children?
I went to yet another appointment with a new skin specialist my medical doctor had arranged for me. When this new doctor entered the examination room and before he could even introduce himself, I said with tears in my eyes, “If you tell me you know what is wrong with me, I’m getting up and walking out.”
He walked over, gently took my raw, red hands in his and said, “I read the information your doctor sent me and we may never know what is causing your skin problem. But, I promise you, we can and will find you some relief.”
His nurse did a complete history on me, writing down everything I told her and asking many questions. Through these questions she learned that my older sister had an allergy to lanolin when she was a child. That first visit lasted two hours. The doctor had to put me on the countdown Prednisone because it would provide the fastest results, but he said I would be closely monitored. He said I was to use no lotions or soaps, and not to wash any dishes or do any laundry. He told me to use glycerin soap to bathe with and gave me a special shampoo for my hair. He prescribed Wibbi lotion, Aveeno Oatmeal Bath and gave me an oral prescription to help with the itching. I had told him about using the Vaseline Intensive Care lotion, and he said he wanted me to use lanolin free products only. Lanolin free products were more costly and hard to find, but he suspected, based his exam and my family history, that I was allergic to lanolin and Vaseline Intensive Care lotion was the worst thing I could be using if his preliminary diagnosis was correct.
I did everything he said and noticed a change in the rash right away, but I was still skeptical and waited for the three week cycle to begin. Over the next few months, the rash got better and better and did not come back. After a skin biopsy, I was diagnosed with having an allergy to lanolin and also cobalt, nickel and tin.
That was 25 years ago. I have had flare ups since then, but have never taken oral steroids again to treat it (or any other ailment), opting for a steroidal cream instead. I have a slight heart condition which I’m convinced was caused by the Prednisone. Today I use no lotions or soaps that contain lanolin and use rubber gloves to wash dishes with. Over the years it has been easier to find lanolin free products.
Writing this article has been difficult as it has brought up old feelings and emotions of shame, embarrassment, frustration, and more. I have never since and hope I never will again contemplate suicide. If anyone ever tells you they have thoughts of suicide like I had, take them seriously, as it is a cry for help.
