It is very obvious Hollywood is running out of ideas, and in the past few years, remakes of classic films, whether good or bad, have become a mainstay of the entertainment industry. The following is a list of some remakes that are currently in the works:
Friday the 13th
This film has spawned too many sequels to count. This, however, is not a sequel, but a remake of the original horror flick that started it all. I guess now they’ll just add a lot more blood and gore since Americans seem to have decided that these are the kinds of movies they love the most.
The Birds
When will Hollywood stop with the Hitchcock remakes? “The Birds” was great when it first came out, because it was unexpected. No one thought of birds as being bad guys. Now this film is a horror classic, and even Naomi Watts as a Hitchcokian leading lady isn’t going to save it the remake from being a joke.
Casablanca
Madonna wants to remake this classic which many consider to be one of the best films of all time, and star in it. I just don’t even know what to say about this one. Don’t play it again, Sam, please!
Rosemary’s Baby
Roman Polanski originally directed this frightening tale of a woman who is impregnated by the devil, and it is now going to be remade with Lindsay Lohan in the starring role. I guess it makes sense. I can see Lindsay getting it on with the Devil, because I’m sure he loves that fire crotch (I just couldn’t resist.) I’m sure Polanski is absolutely thrilled and just can’t wait to see how much better this remake is than the original.
The Day the Earth Stood Still
Keanu Reeves will star in this classic film that has a great message: the way we treat the earth may have dire consequences for our future. Hopefully this remake will have a similar message, but it will more than likely be all about the special effects.
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
Will George Clooney star in the remake of this campy film, which in my opinion is one of the weirdest movie ideas ever? He’s wanted for the lead role, but only time will tell. I don’t really care as much if Hollywood remakes movies that were bad to begin with, so I don’t have too much of a beef with this one.
Last House on the Left
This is another of Wes Craven’s films that is long overdue for a remake. (Should you really remake a movie when the director of the original is still alive?) I’m sure producers just couldn’t help themselves with this one, seeing how well torture flicks do at the box office. The original “Last House on the Left” was actually an adaptation of an Ingmar Bergman film, “The Virgin Spring. But if you’re a fan of the original “Last House”, you’ll probably like the remake better than “The Virgin Spring”.
One of the most popular “adult cartoons” of all time is going to be remade. It’s unclear how much it will actually follow the story line of the original, as it is going to be divided into segments and directed by 8 or 9 different directors. It’ll be interesting to see if it will be in CGI and what musicians will do the soundtrack.
Porky’s
Howard Stern is remaking this fleshy film which does have a story line somewhere. I just can’t remember what it is due to all the boobs and bad jokes. If there’s a film on the list that could possibly be made better than the original, it’s this one. I’d actually be interested to see it since Howard’s on board, just to see if he pushes the envelope a little.
Footloose
Paramount is going to do a musical remake of this popular classic that’s all about getting to dance, despite the fact that all the Bible-thumpers in town say it’s sinful. (Some people even call it anti-Christian). Zac Efron of High School Musical fame is set to play Kevin Bacon’s part, so there’s no doubt what demographic this film is going to be focused on. (You probably won’t want to see this film for “nostalgic” reasons if you were a fan of the original. It’ll probably be dumbed-down quite a few notches.)
So there you have it. Hollywood continues to wow us with their originality and their dedication to keeping movies artistic and interesting. I can hardly wait to see what they remake next: “Citizen Kane”, perhaps? “2001: A Space Odyssey?” I’m sure they’ve at least thought about it.
