As a mother, I could not fathom the thought of ever harming my child. Parents should rightfully guide and discipline their children, but “spare the rod, spoil the child” does not mean that parents have the right to maliciously hurt a child in ANY way.
Recently, there seems to be a trend of tragic child deaths resulting from “discipline” that went too far. Just last week, a Dallas stepmother was accused of the death of her 10-yr-old stepson after depriving him of water. An Indiana father was just sentenced to 80 yrs in prison after confining his child to a cage. A 6-month-old dies earlier this year in Hampton, Va., after being abused by both parents.
Effective Discipline without Force
A parent is not supposed to be a dictator, but rather, a mentor. Children want to please their parents and as parents, we should encourage and guide, instead of degrade or “conquer.” History’s most revered leaders governed with firm, yet compassionate hands. We want our children’s love and obedience, not their fear.
Child psychologists say that many abusers also grew up in abusive homes. However, there is no excuse for continuing such a vicious cycle. We are all accountable for our own actions. I grew up in an unstable household, but I REFUSE to ever put my child through any kind of physical or mental abuse.
Appropriate Consequences for Bad Behavior
There are different levels of “age-appropriate” discipline. Your two-yr-old won’t stop biting if you threaten to take away the car keys. Your 17-yr-old might scoff at you if you threaten a “time out.” But under no circumstance is it ever rational to abuse a child because of misbehavior.
The problem often lies with a parent’s inability to articulate their expectations. How can we expect our children to obey if we (parents) are not willing to put any real work into guiding them? Children need communication, consistency and consequence.
* If you don’t put your toys away, your toys will be taken away.
* If you don’t do your chores, you don’t get allowance.
* If you destroy property, you work to replace it.
* If you don’t do your homework, you lose privileges.
Parents should be clear, consistent and “fair” about their expectations.
Some Parents Need Help
Even the best parents stumble from time to time; there is no absolute guide to parenting. However, some parents may need the help of outside resources. Children’s advocacy centers, family guidance counselors and even community churches offer a variety of services to help those struggling with parenting.
It may even be necessary for friends and family members to intervene if they sense something is wrong. Is there a family history of mental illness or violence? Have you noticed bruises or other unusual behavioral changes in a young family member? Many tragedies could have been avoided, had someone else stepped in before it was too late.
For more information on preventing child abuse:
National Children’s Advocacy Center
Related content by this contributor:
How to tell if your Child is being abused at School
How to Talk to your Teen
