Assigning wedding seating is a huge chore for the bride and groom to be, but something guests and many soon to be married couples prefer to have. According to a YouGov survey found 51% of guests prefer assigned seating, while 33% prefer being assigned to a table where guests choose their seating. Only 13% of guests did not prefer having assigned seating of any kind. While making assigned seating is a big chore and often a very stressful one for the married couple to be, it can avoid some major problems that could potentially ruin the event such as barely speaking exes ending up at the same table, or a special relative ending up sitting in the back of the room where they can not see or hear any of the wedding reception events. Here are some tips for brides to be on how to make assigned wedding seating:
For the invitations:
Send out your invitations with an RSVP date. One hint given to me by my grandmother who has planned several weddings was to write a small number on the back of your response cards in an upper corner, in pencil. Keep a master list of the guest list with the person’s assigned number. It has happened that guests do not write their names out on the response cards, and then you are left with trying to figure out where the response card came from. Having a numbered guest list avoids this potential problem.
When reply cards start coming in, keep them together in a stack and use these cards for planning seating. Your master guest list serves as a checklist to ensure you have planned a table or seat for each guest.
Prior to the actual planning of the seating:
Check with your wedding coordinator or reception site about the size of the tables, and how many seats each table will comfortably hold. Once you have an idea for example of how many people you can reasonably seat at each table, you will better be able to plan your wedding seating. Make a rough sketch of the wedding reception site, including where the dance floor is, if you are having dancing, buffet or food site if it is not a sit down service, bar and DJ or musician area. You will want to keep these factors in mind so you don’t for example put older relatives next to the DJ where they will not be able to hear anything.
Start with the bridal table. Decide whether you want a sweetheart table (a table with only the bride and groom), a bridal party table (a table with the bride, groom and all of their wedding attendants) or a table with the bride, groom, parents of each couple and key wedding party people such as maid of honor and best man. Choosing to do a sweetheart table could eliminate some potentially difficult issues the new couple may have in divorced families or those who have issues between in-laws. Either way, the newly married couple should be at the most central location where as many guests as possible can see them, and they should be facing towards the guests, not away from them.
According to Perfect Table Plan at PerfectTablePlan.com, for a formal and traditional bridal party table, the groom sits to the left of the bride. The maid of honor sits next to the groom and the best man is seated next to the bride. Groomsmen and bridesmaids would then be seated male-female, alternating. In a traditional wedding party table, with the parents of the newly married couple, the father of the bride sits to the right of the bride, while her new husband sits to her left next to the mother of the bride. The mother of the groom sits to the right of the father, and the father of the groom sits to the left of the mother of the bride. The maid of honor would sit to the left of the father of the groom, while at the other end of the table, the best man sits at the right of the mother of the groom.
For less formal or smaller bridal parties, you can consider seating the bride and groom, their siblings and spouses and the bridal party and spouses at one table. Or, you can even have bridal party members sit at regular tables with other guests so they can be with their spouses and families. Depending on your situation, the formality of the event and your family situation, you can be as creative as you want nowadays and stray from the traditional bridal party table.
If you are having a parent table, both sets of parents can be seated here as well as grandparents of the bride and groom. This is a nice way to honor parents and grandparents, if they all get along. It is also a good way for the two sets of in-laws to become better acquainted now that they are family.
In the case of estranged or divorced families, place the partners at different tables and if possible separated by at least one table, or on a different side of the room to circumvent any possible interactions with one another. You can also consider having certain people host a table and indicate so on the seating/table chart by placing that person’s name at the top of the list next to the table number with the word “Host” or “Hostess” next to their name, or at the top of the alphabetized list (this would mean you would begin alphabetizing the other guests AFTER the hosts’ name) with some indication such as the word “Host” next to the name. This could be a good way to deal with family issues either couple may have.
Planning the Seating/Tables:
While there are wedding planning software programs available, these are quite costly and in my opinion, a waste of money for one time use. The best way to start this is to know how many tables and seats you have available and are limited to. You must also decide how you want your bridal table to be situated before you begin planning your guest tables. Then, go through your guest list or use the response cards (be sure you have also included blank cards for response cards you have not yet received if you start this prior to the RSVP date). It is best to start with the most important people on your guest list such as parents, grandparents and close family/friends. In cases of divorced families this can be the most stressful part, but once situated, the rest of the guest seating will flow from there.
In divorce situations, and those in which parents are not sitting with the bride and groom, have the divorced parent host (either officially or unofficially) a table with for example, their siblings and spouses (your aunt and uncle) and their parents (your grandparents) or other close family, such as your siblings or a godparent. In some cases, either the bride or groom’s side may have a much smaller family than the other. It is fine to seat parents with their parent’s friends or relatives. This way, the parents and the parent’s friends or relatives will have one another to talk to.
In cases where parents of the bride or groom are divorced and one parent has a larger family than the other, consider placing siblings with the parent who has little family present, or the parent’s friends. It is usually not a good idea to have one parent at the bridal table while the others are at their own tables. If the parents are divorced but get along very well and are not objectionable to it, you can place them (and their spouses) at the same table. However, don’t have a parent table just to have one if it will make all or most of the parties present miserable.
Younger children should be seated with their parents while older children or teenagers can all be seated at one table (provided you are not concerned with behavior issues). Consider placing people with similar interests at the same table if you are planning on mixing the tables up, and be sure not to leave single people alone at a table full of couples. It is perfectly acceptable to have a table or two devoted to just your friends, while families are placed at tables together with others in the family (e.g. cousins and spouses at a table, aunts and uncles at a table). Depending on your family situation, you can mingle the bride and groom’s families or you can have each side sit with their respective families, particularly for those who rarely get to see one another or who are close knit.
As you place each person, cross them off the master guest list as a check system for you to ensure you get everyone on your list.
Once you have each person assigned to a table, double check the guest list. Then, using the layout of the reception site, begin placing tables. The parents’ tables should be placed closest to the bride and groom. Then, aunts and uncles, cousins and last, friend tables. If you do have an undesirable place such as close to the DJ or kitchen, try placing teenagers’ or younger guests there as they will be the least to mind and to be affected. The cake and gift tables should be as close to the bridal table as possible. You can divide the room by bride/groom side and have the corresponding guest tables flow from there. For divorced families with a lot of friction or those who are not on speaking terms, alternate tables with the in-laws. For example, mother of the bride’s table, then mother of the groom’s table, father of the bride’s table, father of the groom’s table.
Finally, if you are doing actual assigned seating, and not just the assigned tables (and this is not necessary in most cases), use the reception site sketch to ensure you have those people who you want facing the bridal party. You can either decide to alternate male-female throughout the table, seat couples next to one another or start with the most important person/persons at each table and then fill in the seats according to least important person who will have their back to the bridal couple.
At the reception site:
Purchase table number cards if your reception site does not have them. These can be purchased at party stores or a craft store such as Michael’s or AC Moore. Have these set up at the tables so your guests know which table they should head toward, whether there is assigned seating or just assigned tables. If you are having assigned seating/tables, there should be a master guest list with table/seat number and small cards for each wedding guest to pick up as they enter the reception site so they can easily find their seat. You can consider having a sketch of the reception floor with the tables numbered for even easier guest understanding. On the master list, have guests names alphabetized according to table they are at. For example, the first list would read “Table 1” and then have all the guests listed below in alphabetical order, according to last name. For assigned tables but not specific seating, you can list couple or families on the same line (e.g. Mr. and Mrs. Smith, rather than listing each partner separately or Mr. and Mrs. Smith and children). For invited guests who are bringing a guest with them (but whose name you may not know), you can write “Mr. Jones and guest” on the seating list.
For assigned seating, you should have place cards at the specific seat at the table that you want the guest to take. Guests will find their name and assigned table at the entrance to the reception room on the seating chart and then once they find the assigned table, will look for their card at their assigned seat. This of course does not necessarily mean guests will not make their own changes as they see fit, but it may ensure that Grandma gets seated looking at her granddaughter the bride rather than her back facing the new couple. Place cards can be purchased at a stationary store, Staples or craft store like Michael’s and printed on your computer. You can also consider using place cards that match your theme, or that also serve as the favor, such as a cookie with the person’s name on it.
Don’t forget to leave room for a cake and gift table, and if your photographer or other paid attendees are going to be eating as well, a table for them. You may want to consider showing your assigned seating/table charts to a few key people, such as parents on each side to ensure you have adequately accounted for all of the issues people may have with one another, as well as ensuring you will hurt as few feelings as possible (e.g. Aunt Bertha who is not seated as close to your table as Aunt Mary is may become very upset).
Chances are, somebody will be unhappy about something regarding assigned seating, but you want to try to plan your assigned tables and/or assigned seating according to what will work best for the majority, and most of all you. People will tolerate some discomfort in honor of your special day, and having assigned tables does not necessarily eliminate every problem, but I do strongly suggest using assigned tables to help save some headache and chaos on the actual day of your wedding. It is worth the headache prior to your actual wedding day to do assigned seating.
