Technical note
Misspelled words and bad grammar in this review are done on purpose to simulate the western dialect of this reviewer.
PPPPPPPPPPPT!
Howdy Pardner! I’m Will Pinn the Roundup Reviewer! Ya know, Pardner, there ain’t nothin’ more embarrassin’ than standin’ in the middle of a crowded elevator, and lettin’ out a big ol’ fart!
Sometimes when I has gas real bad, I think Exxon is gonna hook up a pipeline to my tailpipe to solve the energy crisis. It’s times like these when I say to myself, “Self, thank God fer Gas-X Maximum Strength Antigas Softgels.”
WHAT IN TAR NATION IS GAS-X?
Accordin’ to some purdy smart folks in the ME-DI-CAL PRO-FESH-ON, Gas-X is SI-METH-I-CONE. ( Simethicone was approved by the FDA in 1952.) Thars a variety of Gas-X products to choose from:
Thar’s Gas-X cherry or peppermint creme flavor at $6.99 fer a pack of 36 tablets.
Thar’s Gas-X Thin Cinnamon & Peppermint Strips at $4.99 fer 18 strips.
And, of course thars my favorite: Gas-X Maximum Strength Softgels at $11.99 fer a pack of 50.
Store at room temperature between 59 and 86 degrees F (15 to 30 degrees C) away from heat and light.
Inactive ingredients: D & C Yellow 10, FD&C; RED 40, gelatin, glycerin, peppermint oil, purified water, sorbitol, titanium dioxide.
WHAT’S IT GOOD FER?
Well, Pardner, as you probably already reckoned, Gas-X is good fer stopping gas from commin’ out uh yer tailpipe. But did you know it also prevents bloatin’, pressure, and fullness that RE-SULT from gas?
Heck, if you ain’t sure yer wife is pregnant, or if you ain’t sure if she’s gainin’ weight, ya might give her a Gas-X ta see if the swellin’ goes down. If it does, then ya know she jest had a bad case uh gas.
HOW IN TAR NATION DOES IT WORK?
Accordin’ to them smart folks in the ME-DI-CAL PRO-FESH-ON:
Gas-X acts in the stomach and intestines to change the surface tension of gas bubbles, enabling smaller bubbles to join together into bigger bubbles. In this way it is believed that gas can be eliminated more easily by belching or passing flatus..
HOW MUCH GAS-X SHOULD I SWALLER?
Before I learned myself how ta read, I used ta swaller a whole bunch uh them Gas-X pills-NOT GOOD!
Here’s what the Gas-X folks RE-COM-MEND:
For adults, the usual dose is 1 or 2 pills as needed after meals or at bedtime. Chew tablets thoroughly. Swallow softgels whole with water. Unless directed by your doctor, do not take more than 6 chewable tablets, 4 extra-strength softgels, or 3 maximum-strength softgels each day.
OVERDOSE: If overdose is suspected, contact your local poison control center or emergency room immediately. US residents can call the US national poison hotline at 1-800-222-1222. Canadian residents should call their local poison control center directly.
When I take Gas-X, in the proper DO-SAGE, it lasts a good long time-I don’t cut the cheese fer hours (4 to 8 hours).
WHAT ABOUT YOUNGINS?
If you been feed’n yer youngins beans fer lunch, and they’s runnin’ round tootin’ like chu chu trains, load ’em up with Gas-X. Here’s the DO-SAGE info:
Children younger than 2 years of age should not take more than 240 mg of simethicone [Gas-X] in 1 day. Children older than 2 years of age and adults should not take more than 500 mg in 1 day.
THEM PRECAUTIONS AND SIDE EFFECTS
This medication is generally well tolerated when used as directed. There are no reports of any side effects due to this medication. However, if you experience any adverse effects while taking this medication, notify your doctor.
No side effects reported? What in tar nation is that ‘sposed ta mean? Does it mean thar are folks out thar somewheres who EX-PER-I-ENCE side effects, but their mouths are taped shut? All I know fer certain, Pardner, is that I have not needed to call on the doc after consumin’ Gas-X.
Before you take Gas-X, Pardner, you should tell yer …you should tell yer doc…oh heck! Read this:
Tell your doctor if you have: other illnesses, allergies (especially drug allergies). Tell your doctor if you are pregnant before using this medication. It is not known if simethicone passes into breast milk. Though there have been no reports (to date) of harm to nursing infants, consult your doctor before using this medication.
Simethicone[Gas-X] is safe during pregnancy and safe for nursing mothers.
WHAT I THUNK
I really like Gas-X! I take it after I’m done eatin’ my grits. Gas-X stops the grit-gas like a brick wall stops my drunk cousin, Wilbert. Wilbert’s always bumpin’ into walls and stuff. Hehehe!
My only complaint is that the Gas-X folks ain’t got any thang fer my horse! Peeeeew! Trigger! Did that come outta you? (Horse whinnies.)
FINAL KURTAIN
Well, Pardner, it was sure nice… (pppppt!)…chewin’ the fat wid ya! (Ppppppt!) Trigger stop that, now!
I gotta skeedadle! YEEEEHAAAAW!
(William Pinn the Roundup Reviewer rides off into the sunset…Ppppppppppppppt!!!!)
