I am the proud mother to a kind-hearted but intensely stubborn preschooler. She is, by any definition, a “good kid,” but she has always had a tendency to resist the normal forms of discipline that motivate most kids. Time-outs don’t faze her; revoking privileges won’t work, and bribes for ice cream just make her shrug her shoulders. Fortunately, one technique has always worked to encourage my daughter to be more consistent and responsible in her behavior: sticker charts.
Sticker charts are a very effective discipline technique for stubborn preschoolers. Two of my friends who are teachers have used them with success in their classrooms, and I’ve found that they work wonders for my daughter. Since around the time of her third birthday, we have used these simple tools as motivation for positive changes in my daughter’s behavior. Here are some tips for using sticker charts with your preschooler.
1. Set a goal and a reward. Some kids view a sticker chart itself as a reward. A page full of stickers is enough of a symbolic reward, in and of itself. For stubborn preschoolers like mine, sticker charts work best when they are associated with a tangible reward. For example, you might tell your preschooler that she can have a new stuffed animal or a new movie when she earns thirty stickers. This makes them more effective as tools for motivation.
2. Encourage your child’s active participation. Your preschooler will be more interested in her sticker chart if she feels like she is responsible for it and in control of it. Make and decorate the chart according to your child’s interests, and encourage your child to color it and add her own flair. Each time she gets a new sticker, let her pick it out herself and place it on the chart. This helps to instill a sense of pride and self-sufficiency.
3. Use both positive and negative reinforcement. The way most families use sticker charts, they act solely as a system of positive reinforcement. For stubborn preschoolers like my smart, sweet daughter, it’s best to also also use them for negative reinforcement. When my daughter was learning to use the potty, she would gain a sticker for every successful use, but would also lose one for willful or negligent “accidents.” The combination of techniques helped to quickly motivate her into using the potty successfully.
4. Don’t be redundant. It isn’t necessary to use other discipline techniques when a sticker chart is in place– and it can, in fact, be counterproductive. If your child is already getting a punishment or reward for a specific behavior, she doesn’t feel like she’s making an active choice when she does something to earn a sticker. For example, if your preschooler gets a sticker every time she brushes her teeth herself– but really has no choice in the matter– she is getting rewarded for something she already must do. If you are using a sticker chart, make sure your child gets stickers for choices she consciously and willfully makes.
5. Follow through. Keep your promises. A stubborn preschooler will respond to sticker charts only if you set a precedent that you follow through on your word. If you promised your child a new toy or game as a reward for filling her sticker chart, be sure to give her exactly what you promised. Your child’s respect for you will come only as a result of demonstrations of respect for her. With consistency, reward, and compassion, you can make sure that sticker charts work effectively to motivate even the most stubborn of preschoolers.
