Everywhere you look, someone had an “oops” baby. An “oops” baby, by personal definition, is a baby that was brought into this world by pure accident. For example, let’s say a couple has been using condoms as their main birth control method. The condom tears. Oops! Many spells of morning sickness and nine months later, the unplanned baby is born.
But if you’re trying to conceive and actually wanting to start a family, more often than not, you’ll quickly discover that it’s not as easy as it appears to be. Yes, there’s the penis, yes, there’s the vagina…but there’s a lot more to conceiving than the ‘sperm meets egg’ story. When I had sex-ed in high school, the counselors made it seem as if a single sperm could fly from a man’s penis and straight into the vagina at any given moment, and that a baby could be conceived that easily. Oh, how false that turned out to be.
One of the first things that need to be done in order to begin conceiving is this: Understand your menstrual cycle. If you don’t have an understanding of this, when you try to conceive, you’re only playing a game of Russian roulette. Successfully conceiving involves the perfect timing, the ideal environment, the appropriate amount of ingredients, and tons of baby dust (luck!).
Before I explain menstruation to you, it’s imperative that you do the following: Buy Pre-Natal Vitamins. Make sure they have at least 400 mcg per serving. Buy Calcium. Doing this lowers the chance of baby deformities by one half and helps you retain calcium that you will otherwise if/when you are finally pregnant. Losing calcium will inevitably cause you to have serious bone-related problems later on in life.
Most women have two ovaries. These ovaries contain many immature eggs, but usually one obtains full maturity every month. The pituitary gland actually releases a hormone that encourages the immature cells to start developing. When this happens, a female hormone, estrogen, is produced. This hormone thickens the lining of the uterus and attempts to produce a healthy habitat for the egg, which is hopefully fertilized. When the egg is released, it travels down the Fallopian Tube into the uterus. If the egg is not fertilized, the thickened lining of the uterus begins to deteriorate along with the unfertilized egg, hence the heavy bleeding known as Aunt Flo…or as I like to call it: Big Red.
Let’s say that the egg was fertilized. If sperm was present, alive and eager, in the uterus, it would have been awaiting the egg for three days. Fertilization can only happen is the sperm are there when the egg is on its way down the Fallopians. If the egg is already in the uterus, it’s too late. Something useful to know is that the egg lives for 24 hours at most after its release, but the average is closer to 12 hours. Supposedly, sperm swim one inch per hour. The average distance from cervix to ovum is 6-8 inches. Therefore, sperm reach the ovum area in 6-8 hours.
You can only get pregnant 3-5 days before ovulation, and during ovulation. If you want to calculate when you are to ovulate, you have to have a few things in mind. First you have to remember when you had your last period. Also, are your periods regular, or irregular? Does your cycle last 28 days, or 35 days? Once you have these things in mind, you’ll be better prepared to find out exactly when your egg is released, and when it’s the right time to have some good old fashioned love making.
The very first day that you begin to bleed is the first day of your cycle. From this, if your cycle is regular, you can predict the next day your period is supposed to come. Ovulation is from the 11th to 14th day of your next period. For example, if your period begin on January 1, and your cycle is usually 28 days, on January 14, you are going to be VERY fertile…but on January 12 in this example, you’re actually a little bit fertile…which means there is a higher chance you can get pregnant on that day, even though it’s not your ovulation date. According to the menstrual cycle we’re talking about here, ovulation is actually going to occur on January 15. In other words, your fertile period starts about 3-4 days before ovulation, and ends about 24-48 hours after it. Since sperm live on an average of 3-4 days, depending on the cervical mucus which I will discuss later, it can wait around for the egg and fertilize it. With this method, it’s best to have sex every other day during this fertile period and a day or two after ovulation just in case the egg was a little late for whatever reason, such as stress, weight loss/gain, excessive exercise, etc.
Another method to predict ovulation is your cervical mucus. During the different phases of your cycle, your cervical mucus changes in volume and texture. Before ovulation, there will be little – no discharge. Your vaginal area may possible feel dry. As you approach ovulation, the mucus will have a lotion-like texture. It might be in little ‘globs’ and break apart easily if you inspect it between your thumb and first finger. At this time, there is a small chance of pregnancy. When you are most fertile, you will notice that your cervical mucus resembles that of egg-whites. It’s clear, stretchy, and the amount of cervical fluid is high. This new environment facilitates the sperm in that it helps it live longer and also makes entering the uterus easier. Think of it this way: Can the sperm swim through this time of fluid? If you can answer yes, then grab your partner and begin your at-home porno routine. If there is an absence of cervical fluid, or if it’s sticky or creamy…the chances of sperm swimming in that are very low.
Another method you can try is buying an ovulation predictor kit. There are quite a few brands and styles out there, but essentially they call come down to this: they determine the pre-ovulation LH surge in the body by charting your temperature in the morning as soon as you wake up. This method isn’t my favorite because you have to wake up early every day at the same time to take your temperature with a basal thermometer. You have to see a pattern over time. If you’re like me, and you’re pretty impatient, you don’t want to be charting patterns over many months’ period.
When having sex, the best position is missionary, and the second best is the infamous “doggy style.” Both of these positions deposit the sperm directly on the cervix. After intercourse, try to remain with your hips slightly elevated (use pillows!) for at most 30 minutes to ensure that most of the sperm swim upward. IF you do have to use lubrication, I recommend Pre-Seed. It mimics the vaginal secretions and doesn’t kill or block the sperm as other lubrications will do. Also, it’s advisable that you take Evening Primrose Oil to encourage plentiful egg-white cervical mucus.
I do need to point out that if you have been on Depo-Provera, it will take about a year to start having normal cycles and to get pregnant. Also, avoid drugs, alcohol, and high amounts of fish. If you’re trying to get pregnant, chances are that you want to have a family with a significant other. You want the baby to be healthy and happy. Discuss with your partner on how the baby will affect your life, finances, careers…it’s a huge, wonderful decision. Good luck with trying to conceive…and remember to have fun! Try not to think of having sex as a chore, but find ways to enjoy it! The less stress on your mind, the more prone you are to getting pregnant. Have fun and good luck, I send you my best baby dust wishes!
