My mom tells me there is a time in my life when I ate fruits and vegetables like normal people do. Somewhere around the age of three, I developed a mental block that I am still trying to undo to this day. Not only were fruits and vegetables forever banished from my palate, but many other healthy foods as well. The sight, smell and textures of many foods instantly bring up a gag reflex. It doesn’t matter if I have actually tried the food or not.
I was probably the pickiest kid on the planet and raising me couldn’t have been an easy task. I want to interject here before someone plays the “it’s your parents fault” card that it absolutely is not. I have four older siblings, and none of them have the extreme food avoidance that I do. In fact, one of them tells me her problem is just the opposite. She loves all food, so she has to limit herself so she doesn’t overeat. This is just who I am, and as I have found out recently, I am far from alone. There is actually a Facebook support group for adult picky eaters. I have discovered it recently and I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to no longer feel like such a freak.
Can a Person Be Obese and a Picky Eater at the Same Time?
By the looks of me, you wouldn’t know I am an extremely selective eater. I have teetered between obesity and morbid obesity for years. The problem is that I stick to all of the same foods, and none of it is very good for me. The reason I do this is that trying new food causes such incredible anxiety for me that I just don’t go there. I know what I’m getting with the cereal, the fast food and the toast. There is nothing lurking in the food mocking me with the idea that I am going to gag or throw up. There are no horribly offensive food odors to do me in. When I am forced to try something new, I scrutinize it to ensure there will be no unpleasant surprises. The last thing I need is to end up with a slimy tomato in my mouth in a room full of people.
What Causes Such Bizarre Behavior?
There are numerous theories in existence as to why some adults never outgrow the food preferences they had as children. Picky eating in adults has even been assigned some official sounding names such as food neophobia and selective eating disorder (SED), which is what I am going to go with. Some of the current theories surrounding SED include the following:
Trauma associated with food, such as past experience choking on foods with a certain texture.
A natural phobia towards trying different things. Some scientists even suggest that adults with SED may be on the Autism Spectrum Disorder or suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
A preference for comfort food may stem from our evolutionary history, and for whatever reason, some adults never outgrow food preferences that were present at birth. Infants prefer high-calorie food and avoid bitter and sour foods for their own protection. The taste for bitter foods, such as vegetables, is not acquired until later in childhood to prevent babies from placing poisonous things into their mouths.
I’ve Heard it All Before
As an extremely picky child and later adult, I have heard it all:
“How can you say you don’t like it when you’ve never tried it?”
“You’re killing yourself with the way you eat. You won’t live to be 30.” (That was 14 years ago.)
“What’s wrong with you?”
“You don’t know what you’re missing.”
“Just grow up and set a good example for your children.” Although no one has ever actually said this, it has certainly been implied. It’s true, and that is precisely why it hurts so much. One of my children is a lot like me, though not quite as severe, while the other has good eating habits.
As hard as these things have been to hear, the laughing and jokes at my expense have been worse. Yawning when I order my food. Pointing out to everyone else at the table — loudly– that there are no fruits or vegetables on my plate. The rolled eyes and the looks of exasperation as I once again pass up the food that no one else seems to have any problem eating. Can I be honest with you? It is humiliating and it hurts.
Two weeks ago, I became extremely ill with what I found out later was an attack of diverticulitis. According to the Mayo Clinic, diverticulitis is defined as follows:
Diverticula are small, bulging pouches that can form anywhere in your digestive system, including your esophagus, stomach and small intestine. However, they’re most commonly found in the large intestine.
Diverticula are common, especially after age 40. When you have diverticula, the condition is known as diverticulosis. You may never even know you have these pouches because they seldom cause any problems, such as diverticulitis.
Sometimes, however, diverticulitis occurs. This condition can cause severe abdominal pain, fever, nausea and diarrhea. Mild cases of diverticulitis can be treated with rest, changes in your diet and antibiotics. But serious cases of diverticulitis may require surgery. ”
In essence, my colon became inflamed and started attacking itself. This condition is largely caused by diet. Mine had finally caught up with me and was the crisis I needed to take a hard look at myself.
I Am Ready
I am tired of being sick and tired. I am tired of the shame and embarrassment of being not only obese, but an extremely selective eater as well. I am tired of avoiding social engagements for fear of people finding out how I eat. I am tired of losing weight only to regain it because my eating habits didn’t change. I am tired of not knowing how to cook. And I’m not only tired, I am scared. I don’t want to have parts of my colon removed, have a heart attack or get diagnosed with diabetes. After a lifetime of denial, I have finally gotten to a place where the fear of staying the same is far worse than the fear of change.
A Little Understanding Goes a Long Way
Although Selective Eating Disorder isn’t an officially recognized medical or psychiatric disorder yet, hopefully reading my story will convince you that it should be. I am also not naive enough to think that everyone will buy this. Just suck it up and eat a salad already, you may be thinking. Others firmly believe that food choices made by an adult shouldn’t be labeled as a disorder. I am not looking for a cop-out, nor do I blame anyone but myself for a lifetime of terrible eating habits. I am simply saying not to judge what you don’t know. I would give almost anything to be able to eat like normal people.
Writing this article has been very emotional because there is no taking it back once I’ve put it out there. I have had severe food issues my entire life and now everyone who reads this article will know it. It’s also an important first step towards change. Day by day, I am trying new things, pushing through the urge to gag and the negative messages in my mind. I have given up fast food and snacks. I will get there eventually. I may never be accused of being a health nut, but every day of this new lifestyle puts me one day further from being a junk food junkie.
