You can levy a lot of criticisms at fast food, but one you rarely see is that it is bland. There’s usually way too much fat, grease, trans fat, mystery meat and Secret Sauce in there to not register *something* with your taste buds, and then there’s a bunch of diabolical mad scientists on the Jersey shore somewhere who cook up bizarre additives to trick your brain into thinking that the cow anus trimmings you are eating are actually quite scrumptious.
Del Taco manages to pull off being bland, however. Never have I encountered such a menu of boring, unremarkable deep-fried food. Their Macho Value Menu sports a number of items for one dollar or less (unless you live in a wealthy/touristy area, in which case it is likely more like $1.35 to $1.50), but not only is the quantity of the servings underwhelming, the quality is too.
Without further ado let’s take an item-by-item look at what Del Taco has to offer.
* 1/2 lb. Bean & Cheese Burrito – This burrito varies in no wise from the more commonly known Taco Bell budget bean and cheese burrito. It has the same runny, nasty, watery refried beans, and the same goopy melt of grated cheddar cheese unevenly distributed at the top. The only difference is Del Taco’s red sauce, which actually seems to be a bit more flavorful (though not really more spicy) than the stuff that Taco Bell uses. That little positive touch kind of gets overwhelmed and lost, however, in the avalanche of crappy, runny refried beany not-goodness that flows into your oral crevasse with each regretful bite (a regret sure to be intensified by your next trip to the head in six to eight hours after eating.) Final Verdict: Bleh
* Taco – Del Taco’s online menu claims the taco is “basic, but not boring.” LIES. You can tell by the simple name “taco” that this is going to be the very definition of boring! Again, little variance from Taco Bell here – low quality meat cooked in some sort of taco sauce, topped by completely unnutritious lettuce and grated cheddar cheese in your choice of “crunchy” or “soft” shell. Not the worst item on the menu, as with Taco Bell the taste is at least somewhat palatable. If your local Del Taco still does 3 for $1 Tuesday taco nights, these might actually be worth a stop just to fill up for a buck or two. Final Verdict: Somewhat Edible
* Chicken Soft Taco – This is easily the high point of flavor on the dollar menu, but it’s tiny. The grilled chicken is bland and a little tough, but the sour cream based “secret sauce” is alright and makes it a little more palatable than the other choices here. The only thing is, unless you live out in a rural-ish area, this is more likely to be priced closer to $2 than $1. Final Verdict: Somewhat Edible
* Tostada – Oh good, a flat taco that is smaller and harder to eat. Final Verdict: Why?
* Nachos – Del Taco has the worst dollar nachos this side of 7-11. You get a little bag of generic chips and a little plastic bucket of plain old Cheese Wiz grade melted American cheese. Given the fractional cost of the same amount of chips from a $1 bag at the supermarket or dollar store, and about 1/5 of a bottle of standard liquid cheese, this is actually an incredible rip-off. Final Verdict: Edible, But A Complete Waste Of Money
* Cheeseburger – I’ll give Del Taco’s cheeseburger this – it doesn’t make me vomit (like the grease-saturated $1 doubles at McDonalds tend to do.) That’s about all the more I can say that’s positive about it, though. It’s smaller than everyone else’s budget cheeseburgers, and has the most unremarkable flavor this side of an underfunded public school’s cafeteria. The most generic slice of American cheese, ketchup, mustard and thin pickle tops a weak, cringing burger on a thick, relentlessly bland bun. Final Verdict: Unsure, Fell Asleep Halfway Through Eating It
* Bean & Cheese Cup – Are you shitting me? Goopy refried beans and a goopy handful of melted cheddar cheese to suck up with a spoon, with no red sauce or tortilla to cut the flavor or texture. Final Verdict: It’s Gross Enough On The Burrito
