In my piece, 4 Steps to Overcoming Codependent Relationships, I highlighted four steps (Let truth be your guide; Cut the cords; Stand your ground; and Take care of yourself). All four of these steps are important to moving forward after the devastating effects of codependency. However, I wanted to expand further on the fourth step, where I urged you to take care of yourself, or learn how to take care of yourself.
I remember when I had done the first three steps and was entering into the fourth step, I was really lost. I was lost while in the codependent relationships, however, it didn’t hit me hard until afterwards and it was time to look at my life and decide what I wanted to do with myself. And there were times that even if I did know what I wanted to do, I was lost as to how to get started. Therefore, I decided to revisit this particular step to throw out some possible solutions to this step that will at least get you started thinking about what to do next after you’ve managed to get yourself away from a codependent relationship. The following are merely suggestions as to what you can do to start taking care of yourself.
Suggestion #1: Join a Support Group. Codependents Anonymous is an excellent group. You can check them out here – www.coda.org to see if there is a group meeting near you. If not, there are many online support groups geared towards survivors of codependent relationships. If you can’t find one of those you like, start your own online or local support group for codependents, I think you’ll be surprised at how many people may actually participate in your support group.
Suggestion #2: Start Journaling. Start to write down your thoughts on a daily, weekly, or biweekly basis, if you haven’t started already. You can get a fancy journal or buy a spiral notebook. Just start jotting down your thoughts and feelings on a regular basis and keep it up. It’s very easy to start a journal, but keeping it up is the challenge. Set aside a few minutes every morning or every evening to sit down and just write. Writing is a healing tool that should be utilized every chance you get so you can purge yourself of any negative feelings and negative self-talk that may be an issue for you.
Suggestion #3: Use Your Resources. There are plenty of books out here on the topic of codependency. Do not be afraid to browse the ‘Self-Help’ section at your local bookstore to see if there’s any book that may catch your eye. It could very well be a blessing to you. My personal recommendation would be You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. There’s also a movie version of this book available now on DVD. While this book isn’t focused on codependency, it touches on many topics of concern for most individuals. It is about healing the negative self-talk we’ve done to ourselves for so many years. It’s worth a try.
Suggestion #4: Healing Your Temple. This is something I’m in the midst of doing for myself right now. While you are working on yourself on the inside, be sure to start taking a serious look at how the pain within is reflecting itself on the outside as well. You can do this by examining how you’re eating when it comes to your emotions. You can start to exercise a bit here and there. Movement has helped me a great deal when it comes to my healing process. I’ve come to realize that it’s not good to stay stagnant, whether it’s emotional, mental, or physical. I have to do some movement at least 10 to 20 minutes per day, otherwise, I feel completely out of balance. Although, this may not be true for you, movement is good no matter what you’re situation is at the time.
Suggestion #5: Create a plan. Take some time one day – perhaps thirty to sixty minutes and just sit down with some paper and a pen and jot down some ideas and goals for yourself to meet each month or every two to three months. Be realistic with your goals, yet do not be afraid to dream big when it comes to the overall outcome for your healing process. The goals to get you to the overall outcome should be small and realistic. Be sure to pace yourself as needed. Be gentle with yourself just in case you don’t make your deadline. And if deadlines don’t work for you, stop using them. Find what works for you in attaining your goals. Do not try to plan every little detail, but at least have a basic outline of what you’d like to accomplish for your new life.
I hope you feel this is a good start for you to consider some ways to start taking care of yourself, now that you are no longer involved in codependent relationships. And even if you still are involved in a codependent relationship, it is my wish that this suggestion list will help you in creating a plan for yourself to move forward with your life without codependency.
