As we reflect on Valentine Day in 2012, there are many different personal or professional views about what is real love but I have my own personal conservative views base life traditional relationship experience that may prove useful to others.
Love is first of all faithful. Faithfulness has no cheating or adultery involved. For those who may believe that a one-time cheating or that only one adultery affair with someone is not cheating is wrong. Faithfulness has nothing to do with or is associated with any form of unfaithfulness against a personal companion, girlfriend/boyfriend or spouse. Forgiveness may be in order but once the act has been committed, the persons involved cannot be considered as faithful and their love for their partner is no longer real love but may be an acceptable love relationship.
Kindness is another critical component of real love. Physical or verbal abuse has no place in real love relationship. This is different from being angry and shouting some words that my hurt at the present moment. Any form of physical harm inflicted by one person to another is not love but may just be the start of something very bad and serious to come that may lead to severe physical injury or even death for someone. Men are often guilty of physical harm to their love ones, while I believe many men can testify about verbal abuse from their spouse, girlfriend or companion. Verbal abuse to some may seems to be a natural tendency of women but it is not acceptable as real love behavior. Women will shout at times and say foolish things that they may regret later. But when their behaviors become consistently abusive and verbally rude, then love really disappears from the relationship. Both men and women are to do their very best to avoid the above tendencies that are against real love.
Now honesty is a must in any form of relationship especially between a man and woman. For example, if a man who traveled to Canada on a visit and gets intimately involved with a woman will not lie to his wife when she asks him on his return, it may help them resolved the matter with more ease and dignity. But when he is dishonest and tries to hide it for many months or years, then the matter will no doubt get worse and worse – especially when his wife finds out he has been a liar all along. The same will apply if the wife was unfaithful and lies about it. Now we all know that most of us are not super humans and will fail under temptations because we are weak. But to lie about our unfaithfulness will not make things better. The entire family that may include kids or children can be adversely affected by lies of unfaithfulness and from other situations.
Love is communicable. If you love someone (or is falling in love with someone) but cannot communicate that love, something may be wrong. It may just be a strong like or admiration. This view does not ignore the fact some people will have difficulty expressing their love for someone. But there is a difference between expressing and communicating love. Love can be shown in many different ways so there are many opportunities to show the love in our hearts and mind. If someone is not particularly good at words or saying the right thing, then just saying what is on his/her mind will help as long as it is communicated, kind and honest. It does not make sense to love someone and not say or do something to let that person know. The person may just miss a lifetime opportunity or a potential life-time love-one because of his/her lack of communication to that person. That loss may take many, many years to overcome, from my personal experience. So we must communicate our love and not just stand at a distance and admire someone without doing or saying the right thing on our minds.
Respect is very essential in all love relationships. Some men have a dirty habit (or unfortunate culture up-bringing) in believing that disrespecting his love one is just fine because she will still love him. In some cultures (without calling names) the treatment of women in this manner may be acceptable, but certainly not in the United States where I live and wrote this article. Women in all cultures and from all social, educational and other backgrounds must be respected by their spouse, boyfriend or companion. The same applies for women towards their men. From my experience, some women will have a tendency to believe that because they now own the man, from marriage, for example, they can disrespect him whenever they like and he will remain. In very, very few cases have I seen that in my over 40+ years of life. So respect is a must in all real love relationship. Disrespect each other and the relationship will certainly die.
Compromise is just absolutely necessary. Remember we are talking about men and women relationships. So we will have different needs and wants at times. Women in particular are physically uniquely different from men. Their unique biological changes that take place regularly during each month (under normal life situation and not special cases such as pregnancy) and what I call rainy days, is just one example. Now men, their opposite love ones, must know, understand and remember this if real love is to live-on in the relationship. During the above example, some compromise in the day-to-day life relationship will naturally become necessary. This can be understood within the concept of comprise to achieve a greater fulfilling relationship later. Another example has to do with what each person will want in life. For example, if a love one decides to postpone a marriage commitment to obtain a professional college academic qualification then comprise is necessary. Likewise the same principle will apply in a familiar situation of furnishing a home with different things to suit each person. Often, comprise with male-female understanding is a must if the relationship real love is to be true and ever-lasting. We are uniquely different so we must comprise.
Patience is needed in a real love relationship. For example, I do not understand why some men cannot wait a few years while their love ones achieve a life ambition target or some form of financial start in life before they become anxious and irritable about commitments and submissions to them by their female love ones. The same applies to ladies who cannot wait until their prospective husbands, for example, complete their college education so they can be in a traditionally better position to take care of their wives and children to follow from the relationship. In many and almost all aspect of the relationship, patience or a consistent uncomplaining attitude is needed if the love is to remain real and alive for a lifetime.
Love is also forgiving, compassionate, supportive, responsible, disciplined, listening and loyal among other things. Those who are religious and Christian minded, read 1 Corinthians Chapter 13 verse 1-13 about what the Bible says Charity or Real Love is. So we know or now remember what real love is about. For those who have forgotten, we can remind ourselves. For the young at heart and in love, he/she can remember the above. But I believe each person can also determine real love from their own daily life experience. Nevertheless, the above information and views are true and very useful.
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