I have a longtime preoccupation (OK, obsession) with road signs.
No one is going to dispute that there are a plethora of questionable road signs. But how can there be so many signs that are inappropriate and grammatically challenged?
According to a reputable source – the Five Man Electrical Band’s official website, which, I might add, has six men on the opening page – “sign, sign, everywhere a sign.” There is, however, no mention of road rules or standards in their lyrics. They were of no help and I need some answers.
My number one sign obsession is the common and oddly distributed stop sign. This beloved sign didn’t always look as it does today. In the beginning of the stop sign’s life, it was merely a white piece of sheet metal with black lettering. History reports the sign was manufactured in yellow with red lettering and “cat eye” reflectors in the 1940s before turning into the red fabulous signage it is now. Riveting information!
But when did the stop sign start showing up everywhere? What in the heck qualifies a stop sign to be a stop sign? Are all stop signs created equal? Is there a difference between these signs on public versus private property?
Is a 4-inch diameter, petite, hand-painted stop sign that a carpenter was hired to carve out of plywood for an apartment complex parking lot the same as the 30- by 30-inch sign at the end of the block?
I decided to go to the top of the road sign food chain. After a brief conversation with a pleasant DMV officer, he said he had never been asked about the equality of stop signs and didn’t know the answer:
I asked, “It’s not in the Kansas Driver’s License Manual?” The bible of the roadways doesn’t address this?
“No, Ma’am. You might want to talk to the police.”
“Thank you,” I whispered while disguising my voice and quickly hanging up the phone.
After several pep talks and repeatedly running through my mind whether I had any unpaid parking tickets, I mustered up the courage to call a local police department.
I spoke with the command officer of Overland Park’s traffic safety division, Capt. Mike Imber, to verify the laws for private property stop signs, and he said every city is different.
Overland Park police cannot enforce infractions for “pseudo-stopping violations” on private property, but police in neighboring cities can.
What I’m saying is, if you are rolling through the squatty mini stop signs at your local grocery in Leawood, you better quit it. Ticket-ville for you!
Another traffic sign I have seen at the entrance of a local cemetery could be interpreted as inappropriate. Apparently, this road is not a through street because it reads, “Dead End.” Really? It’s a cemetery!
However, my number one grammatically challenged sign is: “Slow Children at Play.” Now that is just rude! The person who designed this sign needs a grammar refresher course. Wouldn’t you be offended if you had one of these signs in your family’s yard? Count of hands, please.
So the moral of this story is…OK, there really isn’t a moral. However, if I’m traveling through Leawood – and I highly recommend all drivers do the same – I’ll be sure to stop, look and listen before rolling through their cute, mini traffic signs on private property. It’s a jungle out there!
