We’ve lived in our home now for over five years, and overall have been very satisfied with our purchase. But it wasn’t always that way. My husband and I had bought homes before, so we weren’t new at this. We recognized that there are always problems to deal with when getting a new house. Our first townhouse in Maryland had a serious infestation of thousands of scary-looking camelback crickets that had to be exterminated. When we moved into our current house, the inspector had done a terrible job of inspecting and we found a gas leak that cost thousands to fix and ripped up our once-beautiful backyard. You may not experience such problems as we did on buying a home, but buyer’s remorse can hit anyone at any time for a number of reasons. Buyer’s remorse is a condition where you feel that you’ve made a mistake (or are about to make a mistake) with your purchase, and you may want to get out of it. In most cases, buyer’s remorse is simply a knee-jerk reaction to change. Change is not easy, even when it’s a good change. I experience buyer’s remorse whenever I write a check for anything over a thousand dollars. Parting with a lot of money makes me want to make sure I’ve made a good decision. If you’re caught in the throes of buyer’s remorse when dealing with that most expensive and stressful of purchases – a new home – here’s some guidelines to help manage these uncomfortable feelings.
*Be sure your buyer’s remorse isn’t grounded in reality.
With the gas leak, we were fortunate that it was caught right away. Our real estate agency paid for the home repair, since they were the ones who recommended the inspector to us in the first place and we had just completed the transaction a day before we found the leak. We wrote a letter threatening to sue the inspection company and got our money back we had paid for the inspection.
Do thorough research BEFORE the purchase agreement happens. Large purchases are never something to rush into. Check the contract to make sure there are reasonable ways to exit the deal if circumstances change. Generally speaking, the more you check out the home’s details before signing on the dotted line, the happier you will be with the purchase, and the less likely you are to suffer from buyer’s remorse.
*Don’t get bogged down in the negative.
Remember to keep things in perspective. Homes are subject to deterioration and decay just like anything else in life. Something always goes wrong…but many more things are going right most of the time. Don’t get so caught up in remorse about the small things that aren’t exactly perfect that you fail to appreciate all the great things there are to enjoy about being a homeowner.
*Stop looking at other houses.
Buyer’s remorse can happen if you keep searching realtor.com out of habit, especially if you’ve been searching for houses for a long time. You’ve gotten used to checking the markets for a great deal, and now it’s a habit. There will always be homes that cost less, or seem better somehow. At some point, it’s healthy to make the commitment and let all the other possibilities go.
*Stop listening to people who say they could have done better.
Some neighbor or co-worker might say they got a better deal, or could have gotten a better deal. Let it roll off. They bought their home in a different market than you did. Their needs and preferences might not necessarily be the same as yours. You did the best you could, and that’s enough.
*Talk to the real estate agent.
Some agents are aware of the effects of buyer’s remorse (because it can break an otherwise good sale for them) and they will talk about what you’re feeling. Others won’t. If you feel comfortable enough with your agent, bring up the fact that you’re feeling buyer’s remorse, and maybe they can help you work out why. Chances are it’s just a feeling, but if not, it could help you work out some other potential issues that need resolving before you buy the house.
*Check your rights under the law.
Again, this is another good place for doing some preliminary homework. Once you’ve committed to a sale, buyer’s remorse can cost significant penalties. The seller might be able to successfully sue for breach of contract. You may still owe a payment to your real estate agent for services provided. Make sure you know your legal rights, and don’t enter into an agreement to buy until you’re very sure you’re going to complete it. Check out what your rights are legally, independently of a real estate agent, so you get clear information from a source that will not benefit from your decision to buy. I’ve included a couple of websites with this article that contain good information on home buyer’s rights.
*Recognize that buyer’s remorse happens to most people.
Buyer’s remorse is very common, and not just when it comes to buying houses. Buying cars, large appliances, even expensive clothing or furniture can bring on buyer’s remorse. Psychologists call this condition a kind of cognitive dissonance, which is stress resulting from two contradictory ideas being held in the brain at the same time. Your brain might say “I made a good decision” while a co-worker says, “No, you didn’t.” Hence, cognitive dissonance in the form of buyer’s remorse sets in. Cognitive dissonance happens very frequently in the general population. You’re certainly not alone, so it may help to realize that what you’re feeling is actually very commonplace.
*Make some small changes to bring a sense of ownership.
Paint a room in the house a favorite color. Hang some pictures. Plant some flowers in the front yard. Build some shelving in a closet. Sometimes buyer’s remorse is simply a reaction to the newness of the situation. Doing some small thing to bring about a sense that this home is really, chances are good that buyer’s remorse will begin to fade, and your house will feel more like your home.
The best place to kill buyer’s remorse before it starts is before you agree to buy the home. Before the sale:
*Research, research…and then research again.
Sure, it takes time out of your busy day. Sure, it can be inconvenient. However, a little education can go a long way in this regard. Buying a home is complicated, and there’s a lot to know. You don’t have to know everything your real estate agent knows. What you need is some self-knowledge. Know how much mortgage you can afford. Know what kind of mortgage would best fit your situation. Know how the real estate process works. Know your rights. Read everything before you sign it, even if your agent starts trying to push you. Ask for clarification of any point you don’t understand. Make sure the contract you sign when you agree to buy a house has sufficient contingencies that will allow you to cancel the sale should the house turn out to be a “lemon” for some reason.
You may want to keep a journal during your home-buying process. Sometimes the act of writing down what you’re learning will help you clarify your thought process. It also gives you a log in case someone (the inspector, the insurance company, the realtor, even the seller) needs to be sued along the way. Better to write things down as they happen rather than have to remember them later.
*Get pre-approved for an amount you can handle.
If you’re pre-approved by a reputable lender, then you’ll have more confidence going into a real estate transaction knowing that you’ll be able to afford the home purchase you’re making. Confidence in your ability to pay will go a long way towards knocking out buyer’s remorse, and increase your ability to handle the stress of the process and enjoy your new home in the long run.
