If you are currently living in an abusive relationship and are ready to get out, you’ve come to the right place. Here I will try my best to provide you with as much information as possible and point you in the right direction to get you headed out the door safely.
As an abuse survivor myself, I know how hard it can be when your ready to leave an abusive relationship and are afraid of how our partner may react.
You must plan on when the best time to leave is. What hours does he work? How far is his place of work from home? Is there a large enough time interval where you can leave without him knowing for at least several minutes? Do you have access to a vehicle? Is there a bus stop nearby? If need be, are you willing to hitch hike if no other alternative?
Can you call or write a friend or family member to take you out of the home?
Next you need to scrounge up as much money as you possibly can. Even if this means a couple of bucks. Some money is better than no money. Grab all change out of his pockets, search the couches. If you can without his knowledge withdraw money from the bank account, even if you have to right before you leave so you’re already gone when he finds out. You can also paw items for cash if you don’t have access to the bank account. Everything is half yours. Pawn your wedding ring, stereo, jewelry, cd’s; dvd’s anything you can get your hands on.
Hide all weapons in the house. If he owns a gun, bury it in the back yard before you leave. If he has knives, wrap them up and throw them in the trash. Rip pages of family addresses and phone numbers out of the family address book. If you are concerned about your social security number, call the bureaus and place an alert.
Take copies of all important documents. Take photos of any damage done to the home from his anger and any bruising that may be still on your body or on your kids.
If you are able, open your own bank account with using a friend or family members address and or get a PO BOX.
This is a must!! Contact your local Women’s Shelter or Crisis Center. There they will be able to offer emotional support, help you get a protection order, find you a place to stay and assist in finding legal aid. If you cannot obtain that information, contact your local police department and they will point you in the right direction. Women’s crisis centers really do help. The crisis center I went to helped me find a great lawyer familiar with domestic violence situations and she kept him away from my daughter. The Women’s Center also sent a person with me for support during all my family court hearings.
Be sure to pack a getaway bag that you will take with you when you leave. Take only the necessities such as important documents, medicine and clothing. You are going to want to travel light for a few days till all is settled. Your life is more important than that stereo sitting in your living room. You can get that stuff later when you’re safe and out of the house. You may even have to leave with only the clothes on your back, but it’s better than ending up dead.
Your abuser can monitor your web activity and can access email accounts. Be sure to change your password often and clear the history on your computer all the time.
Notify family members and friends when you decide to leave and take all the help you can get.
Obtain all important phone numbers and keep them together with change in case you need to call from a pay phone.
If you have access to a vehicle, keep the tank filled or at least half filled at all times for an easy escape.
Be sure to keep in mind to stay near exits or the telephone when abuser gets angry. Stay away from areas that you can be trapped.
After you leave, keep in mind that the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when the victim leaves. Be sure after you leave that you are aware of your surroundings and only go out in public to run errands with someone with you for a while.
Sites of Interest that may help you:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm
http://www.ndvh.org/help/planning.html
http://www.domesticviolence.org/common-myths/
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/abuse/a/aa990414.htm
http://www.leavingabuse.com/
Resources:
First hand experience from leaving an abusive relationship of three years.
http://www.idph.state.il.us/about/womenshealth/factsheets/dv.htm
