“…Next time I’m pissed, I’ll aim my fist at the drywall. Next time? There won’t be no next time I apologize, even though I know it’s lies I’m tired of the games, I just want her back, I know I’m a liar If she ever tries to f*****’ leave again, I’ma tie her to the bed And set this house on fire” – Eminem, Love the Way You Lie
I felt his hands tighten around my neck. I was sure that this time he would surely kill me. I closed my eyes and silently prayed, not for myself, but for my two children who would come home and find my body. Just as darkness started enveloping me, he eased up the pressure from my neck that was preventing me from breathing and I greedily sucked in the much needed oxygen.
He kept his weight upon my chest as I lay flat against the floor with him sitting atop me, to keep me from escaping. This was different from the last time. This time I knew I was going to die. His eyes were glassy as he told me that after he killed me, he was going to cut my body up in little pieces and burn me in my truck that I loved so much.
“Please”, I begged him, “let me at least leave a note for my children, so that they know I loved them and that I am so sorry for everything”. As his grip tightened once again around my neck, he replied, “You are a sorry mother and they will be better off without you in their lives”.
I cried as once again I felt darkness over taking me and all I could do was pray. Pray that my soul was ready to meet God, pray for my children and pray that God will forgive me for bringing this man into my house around me and my children.
I tried to block out what he was saying. I didn’t want to hear anymore, but he made sure that I did hear him. “This is your own fault. You made me do this.” There was no reasoning with him.
When he let up choking me again, I told him he was right. Yes, I had been wrong. He had broken me down so much that I would have agreed to anything to keep from dying that night. When I told him what he wanted to hear, I felt the back of his hand cross my cheek as he hit me. “You ain’t nothing but a whore. I don’t know why I stay with you,” he shouted after hitting me.
Then it was over. What had seemed to be an eternity of pain and abuse had finally ended. After a few minutes, he pulled me to him and said, “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You know I love you. You just make me so angry sometimes. I love you so much, don’t you know that?”
In a daze, all I could do was stare at him. All fight had left me. I was only glad I was still alive. He pushed me back down and forced me to have sex, still showing me his control. All I could think of was escaping this insane abusive man and saving myself and my children.
For three days after damn near killing me, he followed me everywhere I went to make sure I didn’t leave or go to the police. On the fourth day, I escaped him and never looked back.
I was lucky, but so many women are not. More than 4,000 women worldwide die each year as a result of domestic violence (“Information on Domestic Violence”) . Domestic abuse can range from physical beatings and forceful sex to mental abuse that belittles a person, lowering their self-esteem. Many women feel their situation is hopeless and can see no way out of their plight, but hope does exist and they can escape. With just a little affirmative action on the part of those being abused or from witnesses to the abuse, domestic violence can be stopped and lives will be saved.
One of the first steps to stopping domestic violence is to recognize that the violence exists. “Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of size, gender, or strength, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Emotional abuse is often minimized, yet it can leave deep and lasting scars” (Smith) . It is important to understand that regardless of your sex, age or race and whether you are married or only dating, you can still be a victim of domestic violence (“What is Domestic Violence?”) . Use the following signs to help determine if your relationship is abusive:
· Does your partner humiliate or yell at you?
· Does your partner criticize you and put you down?
· Does your partner ignore you or put down your accomplishments?
· Does your partner blame you for their own abusive behavior?
· Does your partner see you as property or a sex object?
· Do you feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
· Do you feel like you can’t do anything right for your partner?
· Do you believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
· Do you feel emotionally numb or helpless?
· Does your partner have a bad or unpredictable temper?
· Does your partner hurt you, or threaten to hurt you or kill you?
· Does your partner threaten to harm your children or take them away from you?
· Does your partner threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
· Does your partner force you to have sex?
· Does your partner act excessively jealous and possessive?
· Does your partner control where you go or what you do?
·?
· Does your partner constantly check up on you?
· Does your partner destroy your belongings? (Smith)
The next step to stopping domestic violence is to realize that you are staying in the relationship for the wrong reasons. Most of the time, this reason is fear. No one wants to be hurt, beaten or made to feel like they have no self-worth, but many people stay in these relationships because they are scared to leave or they don’t want to pull their children out of what they believe to be a stable home. Some even stay because they feel like they have nowhere else to go (“Information on Domestic Violence”) . The reality is that there are many places to go, to escape domestic violence. There are shelters in almost every city that will take you in, hide you, and help you reestablish your life post abuse. It is also important to realize that children, who are raised in an abusive home, often continue that cycle in their adult lives, by either becoming victims themselves or becoming abusers. Every year in America, approximately 17 million children witness in home abuse. Approximately 1,400 women are killed in the United States each year by their husbands or partners (“Information on Domestic Violence”) and it is estimated that in 75% of those cases, a child saw it happen (Baum) . Get out of the abusive relationship before it is too late, not only for you, but also for the innocent children.
Finally, the biggest thing we can all do to help stop domestic violence, is to bring it out in the open. Many women are ashamed of how they are being treated; feeling like they are the ones in the wrong and therefor hide what is going on at home. One in three women will experience abuse at some point in her life (“Information on Domestic Violence”) . You are not alone. If you are a friend, a neighbor or even just a witness to domestic violence, report it. Have the strength that your friend may not have, to stand up and protect the weak and innocent. By telling, you take some of the power from that abuser, by no longer letting them hide and do their dirty deeds behind closed doors. If you are abused, seek help. There are plenty of shelters that will help protect you and tell law enforcement. He cannot hurt you while he is locked behind bars. Move if you can, if not seek a restraining order, change your locks, put bars on your windows, get a security system and do anything else you can to take back your life and protect you and your children. If you are a friend of an abused person, then truly be their friend. They may not want to tell anybody what is going on at home, but you do what is right and stand up and tell what is going on, so you can protect them. Just remember it can take only once for domestic violence to turn deadly and you might never see that friend again.
Domestic violence can be stopped, if we take some affirmative actions to make it stop. You do not have to put up with abuse whether it is physical or mental. There is help. If you are a witness to domestic violence, call the police. If you are a friend of an abused person, help them find their strength to leave the abusive relationship. Lives can be saved.
Works Cited:
Baum, Geraldine. Children Are the Hidden Victims of Spousal Abuse.” Strengthen Our Sisters. Ann Arbor News, 08 Aug 1994. Web. 15 April 2012.
Eminem. Love The Way You Lie. Recovery. Aftermath. 2010. CD.
Information on Domestic Violence.” Domestic Abuse Shelter of the Florida Keys, n.d. Web. 15 April 2012 . Smith, M.A., Melinda and Segal, Ph.D., Jeanne. “Domestic Violence Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships”. December 2011. Web. 15 April 2012 .
“What is Domestic Violence?.” n.d. Web. 15 April 2012 .
