We have a very popular seventeen-year-old son. He isn’t a “jock”; he isn’t, well we aren’t sure why he is so popular, but he is. Anytime there is some type of election, it seems that he is asked to run and wins. We think the reason that kids like him so much is that when he sees one of them, his face literally beams; he really loves all the kids at his school and, apparently they reciprocate.
The preceding information is necessary to know in order to launch what I believe is a very difficult but very important topic; “Honest Parenting”. What is “Honest Parenting”? It is consistency with your children and their friends and their friends’ parents despite the potential results.
The curfew for young people our son’s age is midnight. Our son’s curfew is 11:55 P.M.; five minutes before the city curfew. Not all of his friends have a curfew and some have a curfew after midnight. I don’t understand the rationale; however, my wife and I can only be responsible for our child.
Where does “Honest Parenting” play a role?
A few days ago I received a phone call from the mother of one of our son’s friends who happened to be a girl. The mother was somewhat irate with all the parents because her daughter had told her that no other kid in the school had a curfew; what were we all thinking? I advised her that, in fact, our son did have a curfew. Upon learning that, her daughter got “in trouble”. Our son wasn’t happy with me for telling the truth to the other parent; of course that was how things had to be handled.
As an “Honest Parent” you have to be committed to consistency. Your child is in an environment where the kids and their parents are always jockeying for different end results and you can never be sure what they are, so, all you can do is make sure that you are consistent and honest in your approach to the various situations; despite what the result may be.
We want our son to be popular and happy but not at the risk of his safety.
One example of “Honest Parenting” is that our son knows that there is nothing off limits for us. Yes he is growing up; yes we trust him; however, he can make mistakes and be swayed by peer pressure. There is a difference between trust and stupidity. That doesn’t mean we make nightly room searches. It does mean we keep our eyes open when doing laundry and the like. Our son knows the statement “That isn’t your business” isn’t a valid one. Right now we consider everything our business.
When our son spends the night at a friend who we don’t know, we do talk to the parents about whether or not they are going to be present and what the curfew is for their child. We have long since gotten past the “You don’t trust me” talk. It is for our peace of mind and as a reward for our son, we don’t grill him about social issues and worry him about what did you do?
The point of Honest Parenting” is that everything is on the table. There are no games. We will not tolerate some parent who thinks that it is “hip” to buy alcohol for high school kids.
Parenting is the most difficult job in the World. Young people are precious. They are usually pretty narcissistic. It isn’t responsible to think they are going to make the best decisions all the time. If, as a parent you’re always trying to weigh the results of your decisions you will drive yourself crazy.
I should say that we use our parenting technique to try and create more freedom for our son; not less. When we know what is going on and what to expect we know more how to give him freedom. Usually lack of freedom comes from fear which often comes from ignorance.
“Honest Parenting” lets everyone know where you stand. They know what to expect from you and usually, everyone will happier.
