For six years I lived with depression without any diagnosis or treatment. I believed that the way I felt was normal. Each morning I struggled to force myself out of bed; some days I was unable to get up to attend classes, work, and other obligations. Untreated depression had a detrimental impact on my life. One year ago my depression worsened and I began self-medicating with alcohol. As alcohol is a depressant, I had to maintain a constant state of intoxication in order to function. My depression grew worse due to the alcohol, and I became miserable even when drunk. Within four months I found myself in the hospital with alcohol poisoning.
When questioned by nurses my reason for drinking to the point of blacking out, I explained my situation. A psychiatrist met with me, explaining that I suffered from dysthymia, a form of chronic depression in which a patient’s mood is regularly low. Although the symptoms aren’t as severe as with major depression, many with dysthymia slip into bouts of major depression on occasion, as I had when I began drinking.
I remained in the hospital for one week, during which time I began taking the anti-depressant Sertraline, commonly known as Zoloft. I was started on a low dose, gradually increasing it when I didn’t experience any severe side effects. After my week in the hospital I returned once a week to follow up on my condition. My psychiatrist used these meetings to ensure I was no longer self-medicating, as well as find out if I had any suicidal thoughts while I waited for the Zoloft to become effective.
The effects of the Zoloft began to kick in within one month. At this point my mood changed drastically. In the morning I was able to get out of bed, tired or not, and go about my day without a problem. My grades began to improve as the Zoloft allowed me to focus in class, and my general outlook on life improved. I looked at everything in a positive light, rather than focusing on the negatives of situations. In short, the medication made me feel normal again. It was not a sudden realization that the world was wonderful and everything was perfect, but rather a feeling of contentment.
I have now been on Zoloft for 8 months. It is hard to even imagine the way I felt just one year ago. I no longer experience long crying spells or feelings of helplessness due to minor everyday problems. My biggest regret is that I did not seek help sooner. I was well aware that I was unhappy, but didn’t regard depression as a true medical condition. I believed that it was just a dramatic way of saying a person was sad. My life was not exactly perfect, but I was unaware that it was not bad enough to feel as hopeless as I did.
It is frightening to think that I could have ended my life in the years I suffered from untreated depression. When I look back on those years I feel as though I missed out on part of my life. I forced myself through each day in a zombie like state, shutting my emotions off as much as I could. My life now is as a normal life should be-challenging, exciting, intimidating, and wonderful.
