Singer/designer Jessica Simpson and football player Eric Johnson committed the cardinal sin by naming their hefty 9-pound, 13-ounce, 21 3/4-inch bundle of feminine joy the unfortunate Maxwell Drew Johnson. Their sin? They failed to add a feminine touch to this overtly masculine name.
Lest we forget, to top off this debacle, they also gave their precious daughter the unflattering nickname of “Maxi” — often associated with pad, skirts, mega drinks and humongous structures. As someone with the unusual name of Georgia, I spent my formative years listening to people sing to me more often than any “American Idol” judge and was teased mercilessly in a Southern drawl. Although Greek tradition dictated that my middle name be my father’s first name of John, my mother put her foot down and switched the h with an a and gave me Joan as a middle name. My other Greek friends were not so fortunate, taking on their father’s first names as middle names.
So, I point to these parents with the ultra normal names of Jessica Ann and Eric Maxwell and wonder why they would torture their child with a name befitting a ladies man and a nickname indicative of a linebacker? Only people with common names would do something this thoughtless and irresponsible. With a nickname like Maxi, all she needs is to gain two pounds or take a chipmunk cheek photo and the obvious headlines will appear. This child really has no chance!
Yes, yes. We all read and understand the family connections to her name. Maxwell was his mom’s maiden last name and Eric’s middle name and Drew was her mom’s maiden last name. Yet, to fail to pair it with something soft and feminine is inexcusable. For example, Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter is infamously named Apple. But her two middle names are the feminine Blythe and Alison. Apple Blythe Alison Martin identifies her as a female, whose middles names are the first names of Gwyneth’s mother and Chris’ mother. Despite the odd choice of naming her daughter the androgynous Monroe with no middle name, Mariah Carey did not solicit confusion by giving her a masculine middle name. She omitted a middle name altogether, putting her on the borderline of feminine/masculine.
Teri Hatcher had it right when she named her daughter Emerson Rose. This young woman has an eclectic first name, with an ultra feminine middle name that doesn’t sound like a 49er.
I am just hoping this celebrity crazy name trend ends soon. I suspect that the names of “Mad Men” will soon be the hot trend of children with unusual names. Look out for children with names like Don, Betty, Peggy or Roger!
