High needs babies can be difficult to deal with, especially during the night. We parents want to sleep as soundly as we did before we had children, but unfortunately baby doesn’t always have the same thing in mind. In the middle of the fourth sleepless night in a row, it is common for parents to start feeling a little “picked on” and ask, “Why is she doing this to me? Why won’t she just sleep?” It can be frustrating and disheartening to face yet another sleepless night, but with a little patience and understanding, you can take some of the stress out of a long night and get some rest for you and your baby.
What characterizes a high-needs baby?
High-needs babies tend to cry more than other babies. Many times a high-needs baby is referred to as “colicky.” Crying is usually more pronounced in the evening and through the night, but some high-needs babies cry during the day as well.
The exact causes of colic are not known. Sometimes a baby has stomach problems, or some other pain in his body. Some babies simply need more physical contact with a caregiver than other babies do.
The most important thing that you need to understand is that your high-needs baby is crying for a reason. Even if you cannot discern a cause for her crying, it doesn’t mean that there is no reason for her to cry. She is not crying just to upset you, or to keep you awake. She is crying because she needs something. Perhaps she’s cold and needs a blanket. Perhaps her tummy hurts. Or maybe she just needs a good snuggle, and is afraid to be alone. All of these are valid reasons for a baby to cry, and all of these things can be addressed by the parents.
What can I do to help my high-needs baby sleep better?
First, try to find the problem that is keeping her awake. When you pick her up, does her tummy rumble? Does she pass gas or burp? Stomach and digestive problems are a common cause of sleep problems – baby can’t sleep if her tummy hurts. If you think that a stomach ache may be the cause of your baby’s frequent night waking, try to find ways to help keep her tummy settled. If she is eating solid food, try to serve solids only in the morning and very early afternoon, with breast milk or formula in the later part of the day. Frequently, babies have a hard time processing solid foods, so their tummies can get full of air. When they go to sleep with solid food in their tummies, they can’t work out that air, and they are awakened with a bellyache.
If your child is not old enough to be on solid foods, there may be something in her diet that doesn’t agree with her system. For breastfed babies, there could be something in the mother’s diet that is upsetting to baby’s tummy. Dairy is the most common culprit, but there are others, including tomatoes and spicy foods. (Kellymom.com has a list of frequent irritants in the mother’s diet.) Formula-fed babies may be lactose intolerant, and may need to switch to a soy-based formula. Under no circumstances should a baby under the age of 6 months be given cereal to “help him sleep”- this can cause long-term digestive problems, and probably won’t help him sleep anyway.
Some babies just need some extra comfort, and don’t want to sleep alone. This is perfectly normal. Trying to force a child to sleep alone when she needs to be comforted can do more harm than good. Try bedsharing, or if you’re uncomfortable with that, you can purchase a “sidecar” system that attaches to your bed. Baby can get the closeness she needs while you can rest comfortably.
Above all else, remember that this is perfectly normal. Babies are not built to sleep all night by themselves – those that do are the exception rather than the rule. Comforting your child when she cries will not “spoil” her, but if you are hanging on by the end of your rope and need to let your baby cry for a few minutes to collect yourself, by all means do so. Listen to your baby’s cues, and you will find the solution to your sleep woes. And remember: this, too, shall pass.
