Hot flashes are the pits. Hot flash humor, damn I am just too hot, aww the joys of being a woman, entering menopause. Quick grab me some ice.
As I sit here today writing my articles and trying to stay cool in the 90-degree heat of the drought ridden Pennsylvania summer I faced with yet another hot flash. The humidity outside does nothing to help with my current hotness and if I could I would sit in an ice bath.
I am newly reminded that I am getting older and trust me that is not something I want to remember on a hot day like this. Heck I do not want to remember anything about growing older. I want some relief, is this too much to ask?
There is not much that I know of to keep the hot flashes at bay. I am not quite 41 and man I feel too young to be having them. What can I do but accept this natural part of life that I must endure. I heard many jokes about hot flashes and while they do make me laugh, it is not funny when you are in the midst of one.
Menopause, yes men pause around us, they are scared to death of what we will scream next when our interior temp gauges are so out of whack. I often wonder who came up with that term menopause. I wonder if it was a man who was letting other men know what to expect with this change of life.
Once I read ‘real women do not have hot flashes, they have power surges’, and yes sir that is exactly what I have been experiencing. The sweat is pouring off me now as I sit here and type my life away. I feel as if I am sitting in a blast furnace and it is roaring with flames hot enough to melt steel into a liquid.
There is a sign hanging on the wall above my computer that reads menopause in progress, please go around, and do not make eye contact. It is a gentle reminder to those who trespass into my realm. It is a warning of sorts that if you linger to long I am liable to give you a dirty look or two.
I remember last Thursday when I had one of the worst ones yet. Ray’s apartment was hot already, and it triggered a bad hot flash. My body’s temp gauge went thru the roof. I felt the heating up and got a bit dizzy. Then I could feel the heat emerging from under my hair on my neck. I grabbed one of the ponytail holders from my bag and tossed it up. It was at that very minute that I remarked I wanted to cut it all off. The hair next to my neck was so wet with sweat it was unreal.
I felt the sweat rolling down my back as well. It was just plain gross. I have never sweated as much as I do during a hot flash.
The joys of being a woman are over rated, to some extent. Granted we are the ones who get to experience a new life growing within our bodies and but what kind of reward is menopause? Man I could think of many other rewards I would love to have.
Those hot flashes are positively awful and should have been given to men instead of us. Heck, they should have gotten the whole thing in my way of thinking. I think perhaps in a way men did get a part of PMS. The only difference between our premenstrual syndrome and their pissy men syndrome is their stuff lasts far longer for some of them.
I know hot flashes can be triggered by excessive temp changes so I am thankful I do not live in the dessert. Right about now, I sure wish I lived at the North Pole because I would sit naked in an igloo.
