We’ve all seen them; those people who make friends with everybody. People who can almost instantly make you feel like you’ve known them forever seem to have all the advantages in life. They’ve always got dates, regardless of how they look. People go out of their way to do favors for them. These people can give someone the worst news of their lives and have those people thank them for being so honest and considerate. We’ve all seen them; and we’ve all felt a pang of jealousy at some point while we watched them wishing we’d been born with that innate talent to set people at ease.
Everyone wants people to have a good opinion of them. When people have a good opinion of you, they automatically treat you with more status. Even those who disagree on every subject can respect you. This respect plays out in every situation we encounter when dealing with others. Some people seem to innately be able to communicate well, just like some people can throw a ball accurately. Fortunately for the rest of us, like throwing a ball, communicating effectively can be practiced and improved. Even someone who is desperately shy and awkward in social situations can use just a few tricks to dramatically improve their ability to communicate, automatically gaining higher status in the eyes of everyone they meet.
The first thing to do is look people in the eye. If you watch a boss talking to an underling, generally the boss will hold eye contact when he says something, but the employee will only hold eye contact when listening. This is a throwback to our primitive days. Direct eye contact feels like a challenge. You only hold eye contact when you speak to someone you consider equal to, or below you status-wise. If you’re someone who looks around a room when you’re talking, or worse, just barely avoids eye contact as you speak, you’re sending the subconscious signal that the person you’re speaking to is your superior. This subconscious signal is something everybody responds to, even if they aren’t even aware of it.
The second thing to do is pick a role-model. We all know people who’s relaxed and calm in social situations that would make most people’s hearts race and palms sweat. Find someone you know like this and watch them, and I’m not talking about standing in the corner thinking, “Wow, this guy can really work a crowd!” I’m talking about making a deliberate effort to notice HOW he works a crowd. Practice when you’re alone until you feel like you can do it without it feeling forced.
The last thing to do is listen. Yep – I said listen. People who yammer incessantly aren’t high status people. Unless you’re dealing with someone you are extremely close to, talking too much and too fast is a sure sign that you’re nervous. High status people don’t talk unless they want to make a point. This makes people pay more attention to them when they do say something. As funny as it sounds, the best way to get people to stop ignoring you is to SHUT UP. Even if you’re not nervous, be aware of this behavior when you’re dealing with people. If you’re talking a mile a minute, there’s always a chance they will instinctively tune you out.
Doing these three simple things will automatically make people afford you a higher social status.
