Napoleon Dynamite: My old girlfriend from Oklahoma was gonna fly out for the dance but she couldn’t cause she’s doing some modeling right now.
Pedro: Is she hot? Napoleon Dynamite: See for yourself.
[hands him Deb’s glamor shot sample]
Pedro: Wow.
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, I took her to the mall to get some glamor shots for her birthday one year.
Pedro: I like her bangs.
Napoleon Dynamite: Me too.Uncle Rico: Napoleon, you know we can’t afford the fun pack. What, do you think money grows on trees in this family? Take it back! And get some Pampers for you and your brother while you’re at it.
Uncle Rico: I wish you wouldn’t look at me like that, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: I wish you’d get out of my life and shut up!
Uncle Rico: I’m gonna tell you somethin’ right now. While you’re out there playing patty cake with your friend Pedro, your Uncle Rico is makin’ 120 bucks.
Napoleon Dynamite: I could make that much money in five seconds!
Kip: Geez. Yeah right, Napoleon. I made, like, 75 bucks today.
Uncle Rico: Napoleon, it’s looks like you don’t have a job. So why don’t you get out there and feed Tina.
Napoleon Dynamite: Why don’t you go eat a decroded piece of crap!
Napoleon Dynamite: What kind of bike do you have?
Pedro: It’s a sledgehammer.
Napoleon Dynamite: Dang! You got shocks, pegs… lucky! You ever take it off any sweet jumps?
Napoleon Dynamite: [Cut to Pedro jumping] You got like three feet of air that time.
Napoleon Dynamite: Pedro, how do you feel about that one?
Pedro: It looks nice.
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, it looks pretty sweet. It looks awesome. That suit, it’s… it’s incredible.
Napoleon Dynamite: Why do you got your hood on like that?
Pedro: Well, when I came home from school my head started to get really hot. So I drank some cold water, but it didn’t do nothing. So I laid in the bathtub for a while, but then I realized that it was my hair that was making my head hot. So I went into my kitchen and I shaved it all off. I don’t want anyone to see.
Napoleon Dynamite: I know what you mean.
Don: Hey, Napoleon. What did you do last summer again?
Napoleon Dynamite: I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines!
Don: Did you shoot any?
Napoleon Dynamite: Yes, like 50 of ’em! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that?
Don: What kind of gun did you use?
Napoleon Dynamite: A freakin’ 12-gauge, what do you think?
Uncle Rico: So what do you think?
Kip: It’s pretty cool, I guess.
Uncle Rico: Ohhhh, man I wish I could go back in time. I’d take state.
Napoleon Dynamite: This is pretty much the worst video ever made.
Kip: Napoleon, like anyone can even know that.
Uncle Rico: You know what, Napoleon? You can leave.
Napoleon Dynamite: You guys are retarded!
Napoleon Dynamite: Grandma just called and said you’re supposed to go home.
Uncle Rico: She didn’t tell me anything.
Napoleon Dynamite: Too bad, she said she doesn’t want you here when she gets back because you’ve been ruining everybody’s lives and eating all our steak.
Uncle Rico: I’m not goin’ anywhere, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: Get off my property!
Uncle Rico: It’s a free country. I can do whatever I want.
Napoleon Dynamite: Get off my property or I’ll call the cops on you.
Uncle Rico: Well then do it! Go on!
Napoleon Dynamite: Maybe I will, GOSH!
Napoleon Dynamite: You know, there’s like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I’m pretty good with a bo staff.
Deb: Are they still letting you run for president?
Pedro: Yes. I don’t understand… they say you’re not allowed to have pinatas that look like real people, but in Mexico, we do it all the time.
Deb: What are you drawing?
Napoleon Dynamite: A liger.
Deb: What’s a liger?
Napoleon Dynamite: It’s pretty much my favorite animal. It’s like a lion and a tiger mixed… bred for its skills in magic.
Napoleon Dynamite: I see you’re drinking 1%. Is that ’cause you think you’re fat? ‘Cause you’re not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.
Napoleon Dynamite: Deb just called me. She pretty much hates me by now.
Pedro: Why?
Napoleon Dynamite: Because my uncle Rico’s an IDIOT.
Pedro: Do you have anything to give to her?
Napoleon Dynamite: No. Not unless she likes fish.
Uncle Rico: We also need some way to make us look official, like we got all the answers.
Kip: How bout some gold bracelets?
Uncle Rico: We need like some name tags with our picture on it, all laminated and what not. I mean, we gotta look legit man.
Kip: That’s true, that’s true.
Randy: Napoleon, give me some of your tots.
Napoleon Dynamite: No, go find your own.
Randy: Come on, give me some of your tots.
Napoleon Dynamite: No, I’m freakin’ starving! I didn’t get to eat anything today.
