Parenting a gifted (higher than normal IQ) child is difficult enough, but parenting a gifted child who has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) can be overwhelming. One reason for this feeling of being overwhelmed is the lack of information for this combination. There is information about giftedness and there is information about OCD. The two combined in one child are lumped together in a category called twice exceptional. This is not very helpful because OCD kids do not have the same problems as ADHD kids or Autistic kids. Lumping them all together gives parents of these children misinformation and leads to them feeling that they are alone in their struggles. What parents truly need is an understanding of both aspects of their child and how best to help one without hurting the other.
The first step is to define the characteristics they make up the gifted child’s personality. Most gifted children lack challenge mentally, which leads to a lack of motivation to start and finish tasks. The gifted child cannot stand memorization and repetition which leads to academic frustration and a child that gives up academically. These children can even fall behind the normal child academically even though their brain power is far more advanced. Gifted students are often extremely sensitive and therefore have uncontrollable emotional outbursts.
They are highly self critical and perfectionistic which leads them to think that they are not intelligent at all. Gifted children, suffering from low self-esteem, will often say they wish they were as smart as their peers when actually they are far more intelligent. Gifted children think outside of the normal box. In fact, if they are forced to function, and think, inside the box they stop thriving. They have a strong need to fulfill their curiosities and often want to do this independently. Gifted children like to have control of their environment. Parents of gifted children are often left with a lack of understanding of their child; and wondering why, if this child is so smart, they cannot function in a normal environment at home or school.
In the discussion of the characteristics of OCD, we will examine the similarities with giftedness first and then the traits that are in direct opposition to giftedness next. Children with OCD have difficulty socializing with their age mates for the fear of their “quirks” being discovered. These children are often highly emotional and often have emotional outbursts due to the stress of the anxiety that they feel. These children tend to be perfectionists. Lack of perfection leads to anxiety for them. They may do poorly academically due to their compulsions getting in the way of completing assignments or paying attention to instruction. OCD children have low self-esteem because they know that they are “different” from their peers. Obsessive Compulsive children have a strong need for control of their environment, however, inside their head everything is spinning totally out of control.
The following traits are directly opposite those of the gifted child. OCD children love repetition, in fact they have a strong desire for it. Their need for repetition is so strong that it will interrupt their ability to function in a normal environment. OCD children like to be inside the mental box, it is a safe place. However, their brains are constantly jumping outside of this box which causes them extreme mental stress. OCD children do not like to explore curiosities because they are a source of high stress. They are outside of the routine which is safe, therefore their minds see anything new or curious as being unsafe. OCD children are so mentally exhausted from their worries that they are often overwhelmed by school and learning. Parents of these children may see the compulsions as behavioral problems and not understand the underlying obsessive anxiety that controls their child’s brain.
Now let’s examine what happens when the two are combined. This type of twice exceptional (2E) child is super sensitive and emotional, often having emotional outbursts. This child is highly self-critical and perfectionistic for two different reasons. This child exhibits tremendously low self-esteem. This child has trouble in social situations with their age mates. Control of their environment is strongly desired, even needed. The brain battles to decide if it will stay in the comfort and safety of the box, or explore the exciting world of learning outside of the box. Part of the child is very curious and wants to explore these curiosities, while the other part screams no that may not be safe.
The child is in constant conflict with their own hatred for repetition and their very need for repetition and routine. These children tend to do poorly academically. Part of them feels no challenge, while the other half feels totally overwhelmed. When the two sets of characteristics are combined, chaos sets up existence in your child’s head. While some of the characteristics of both feed and compliment each other, the other characteristics are in constant battle for control of your child’s brain. This chaos leads to all sorts of personality and behavioral problems.
There are two methods for treatment of this chaos; medication and cognitive behavior therapy. A child psychiatrist is highly recommended to be involved in your child’s treatment. Medication has its drawbacks for several reasons. You have to experiment to find which works best for you, there are side effects to these medications, and you potentially will dull the brain’s thinking power. However, medication has its good points also. It is quicker than other methods and tends to be consistent. For cases of OCD where the compulsions are harmful to the child then medication may be the best way to start treatment. This is also true for very young children. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a type of treatment that teaches the child to recognize their anxieties and stop their compulsions before they start. They learn to face what causes them anxiety. By exposure and limiting the ability to perform the compulsion, the child recognizes that there is nothing to fear.
The drawback of CBT is that it takes time and may not be possible with a very young child. However, there is no dulling of the brain, in fact it sharpens the brain. CBT gives the child a feeling of empowerment and will help give them some self-esteem. A child psychiatrist can help the parent decide which of the two or a combination of the two would be best. It is important to find a doctor that understands gifted children and has experience with OCD. Many child psychiatrists do not have much experience with obsessive compulsive disorder or gifted children. This can lead to misdiagnosis and incorrect treatment. Understanding your child and what steps you can take to help them reach their full potential can only lead in one direction; to healing and peace in their lives and yours.
Research Sources:
“Giftedness, Conflict, and Underachievement” by J. R. Whitmore copyright 1980
My personal struggle through my child’s journey to healing.
