Dentists, like doctors, are subject of the humor war between practitioner and patient. Here’s a collection of clean jokes to share with your dentist taken from my 35 year collection of humor.
Dentists can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and they say, “I wish you’d come to me sooner.”
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.” — Johnny Carson
Toothaches always start on Friday night right before the weekend when the Dental Office will be closed.
The Smiths were shown into the dentist’s office, where Mr. Smith made it clear he was in a big hurry.
“No fancy stuff, Doctor,” he ordered, “No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with.”
“I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you,” said the dentist admiringly. “Now, which tooth is it?”
Mr. Smith turned to his wife Sue. “Show him, honey.”
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments. — Steven Wright
At 5 P.M. one Halloween afternoon, my dental hygienist realized that she wouldn’t make it to the store in time to get snacks for trick-or-treaters. So she took home some free samples from the office supply cabinet. That night she handed out dozens of toothbrushes, toothpaste, and dental floss. The next year, although she had bags of chips and popcorn, not one child came knocking at her door.
A little boy was taken to the dentist. It was discovered that he had a cavity that would have to be filled. “Now, young man,” asked the dentist, “what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?”
“Chocolate, please,” replied the youngster.
Q: What time was the Vampire’s dentist appointment?
A: Tooth-Hurty
Q: What does the dentist of the year get?
A.: A little plaque.
Q: What’s the difference between a dentist and a New York Yankee fan?
A: One yanks for the roots and the other roots for the Yanks.
Patient: How much to extract wisdom teeth?
Dentist: $500.
Patient: That’s ridiculous! Isn’t there something cheaper?
Dentist: I can cut the price in half, if we don’t use anesthetic.
Patient: Nope. That’s still way too much.
Dentist: OK. If I just rip them out with pliers, the price is $50.
Patient: That’s more like it. Book my husband for next Monday.
A guy had to go to the dentist .
He looked in the guy’s mouth and said, “You’ve got a verry big cavity there, a verry big cavity.”
Well, you didn’t have to repeat it.”
And the dentist replied, “I didn’t, that was an echo.”
The dentist says to the patient, “Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?”
Patient: Why? Doc, it isn’t all that bad this time.
Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don’t want to miss my 7 o’clock tennis game.
No Painkillers
One day, a man walked into the dentist’s office for some dental work.
The dentist said, “Sir, you have a tooth I must pull, What type of pain killer would you like?”
The man looked at the dentist and said, “None, thanks, I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life.”
The dentist said, “Sir, pulling this tooth Will be painful, I suggest a painkiller
The man looked back at the dentist and said, “I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, Nothing else will ever compare.”
The dentist said, “Sir, I”m telling you, use a painkiller.”
The man again said to the dentist, “I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, I do not need painkillers, now pull the tooth.”
The dentist then said, “Okay, You asked for it, But first, tell me what was the second greatest pain in your life?”
The man said, “Yes, I remember it well. I was hunting in some woods north of here one snowy day. Walking through the woods, the urge came upon me and I headed over to a tree. Well, I started to do my thing, and when the first part dropped, It set off a large bear trap that was hidden in the snow that closed on my balls. That was the second greatest pain in my life”
The dentist then said, “Ouch! But then what was the first greatest pain in your life?”
The man replied, “When I reached the end of the chain.”
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them.
Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that
they didn’t have to split theirs.
The old gentleman said, “Oh no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has
always been and will always be shared, 50/50.”
The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied… “Not yet…It’s his turn with the teeth!”
“I am sorry, madam, but I shall have to charge you hundred dollars for pulling your boys tooth.”
“Hundred dollars! Why, I understood you to say that you charged only twenty dollars for such work!”
“Yes,” replied the dentist, “but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared out four other patients out of the office.”
“I came in to make an appointment with the dentist.” said the man to the receptionist.”
“I,m sorry sir.” she replied. “He’s out right now, but…”
“Thank you.” interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. “When will he be out again ?”
Q: Why do dentists like potatoes?
A: Because they are so filling.
“I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist?”
“Thats right, Sir.”
So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a friend?
“That was my dentist.”
Young lady to father “Daddy, when I grow up shall I become a heart-doctor or a tooth-doctor ”
“Dentist”
“Why father ?”
“We have only one heart, but 32 teeth!”
The members of the dental profession are the only men who can tell a women to open or close her mouth and get away with it.
