Death is a grim subject for some, and for others it is a glorious path to eternal life in heaven. Many family members are reluctant to discuss their preference for cremation or burial until their older years. Some family members tragically do not get the chance.
Having some interesting personal experiences with this topic, and the fact that I am getting older, caused me to ponder about why or how people choose between cremation and burial for their own final resting. Some obvious reasons are cost and religious beliefs. But, is that changing? Statistics shown later in this article might surprise you.
When I was younger, a few of my experiences with cremation and burial seemed rather creepy. Now, I have more respect for those individual choices. Sometimes, a loved one states the reason and sometimes, the reason is never really known:
My girlfriend decided to have her husband cremated and have a portion of the cremains launched into space on the top of an Atlas rocket. Her husband loved the stars and my girlfriend thought he would love that, even though they never had a chance to discuss it. She keeps the remainder of her husband’s cremains at her side. (See this article for more information about Launching Your Loved One into Space.)
I helped my Mother clean out my Grandmother’s house after her death. We finished with the house and moved on to the garage. I was 20 years old, and horrified when I found my Grandfather’s ashes in an urn behind loads of old newspapers on some rafters high up in the garage. Wow! Besides feeling a little creepy about that, we didn’t know what the family members’ wishes were for the final resting place of that urn.
A musician friend of ours died suddenly and his friends and family decided to have a memorial jam session in the country. His loved ones camped, had a bonfire and jammed. Later, his family members spread his ashes in the wind over his favorite camping spot.
My sister’s husband recently passed away and he wanted to be cremated because of the biblical phrase: ashes to ashes, dust to dust. He was a concert pianist and orchestra conductor, who once performed in Carnegie Hall. My sister will keep his ashes on their grand piano until her final resting days, when he will be buried with her in her casket. This is allowed in Colorado, but not allowed in other states.
My Dad and I used to joke about his comments on being afraid of fire, but not wanting to be eternally cold in the mountains of Ruidoso, New Mexico where he is buried. I was young and could only reply by saying, “Dad, you are not going to know.” Another of our relatives would like to be cremated to have his ashes spread into the river where he grew up.
I have other relatives who prefer to visit the graves of our loved ones. One of my step Grandfathers placed fresh flowers on his wife’s grave every day for years. I also thought it was kind of creepy that he kept his wife’s grave freshly mounded until the day he died. While I couldn’t bring myself to understand why he did that – I felt compassion and deep sorrow for him in the loss of his most precious companion.
Statistics About Cremation
Aside from my personal experiences, I wondered how many people were actually cremated and why. How many people want to be cremated? What do people want to do with their cremains?
The Cremation Association of North America (CANA) reports cremation statistics and memorialization preferences every five years. The cremation rate in the United States in 2005 was a little over 32% of those who died. In Canada, the 2004 cremation rate was 56% compared to 30% in the United States. CANA projects the U.S. cremation rate to increase to 57% by 2025. According to their 2005 report, more people are choosing cremation than ever before. 46% of Americans plan to choose cremation compared to 31% in 1990. (click here to see PDF report)
The reasons suggested for this increase in cremation ratesare:
Cremation has become acceptable; the Catholic faith has allowed it since 1965
People are dying older and ties to tradition are lessening; you can still have a funeral
Migration to retirement locations is increasing; less family and friends for formal services
Environmental concerns are becoming important; no more room to bury bodies
Greater flexibility in memorialization services; now you can launch cremains into space
Regional and religious differences are diminishing; Baptists more than any other religion are likely to shun
The reasons people gave for choosing cremation are:
Saves money (30%)
Saves land (13%)
Simpler, less emotional and more convenient (14%)
Body not in earth (6%)
Preference of deceased or relative (6%)
What do people want to do with their cremains?
89% still want a memorial service
56% said they will buy an urn
39% want their cremains to be scattered
32% want a traditional funeral
26% want a private service
25% want a memorial service
16% want their cremains buried in a cemetery
14% said they didn’t know what to do with the cremains
10% want the cremains taken home
8% want their cremains in a cemetery columbarium
1% want their cremains in a church columbarium
Interestingly, the states with the highest percentage of deaths cremated are:
Hawaii (66.32%)
Nevada (65.08%)
Washington (63.99%)
Oregon (63.74%)
Arizona (59.55%)
Montana (59.04%)
Alaska (57.08%)
Colorado (55.80%)
Maine (53.44%)
California (52.06%)
The States with the lowest percentage of deaths cremated are:
Alabama (9.47%)
Mississippi (9.88%)
Tennessee (10.50%)
Kentucky (12.29%)
Louisiana (15.10%)
Whatever your reasons are for choosing cremation or choosing burial, it is beneficial to discuss your personal preferences with loved ones and friends. You may also want to research the laws in your state regarding cremation and burial. The costs and choices for memorialization can vary dramatically from location to location. (click here for state-specific information from The Internet Cremation Society)
You may also want to research Veteran’s benefits with respect to burial, cremation, and survivor benefits. You can contact 1-800-827-1000 for more information about VA assistance.
