The first sign that our elder’s dementia had progressed was minor. She’d have trouble remembering a word. We all have that happen on occasion, but usually not every paragraph.
The second was the nature of her comments. She’s always had a somewhat acerbic tone to her voice when someone doesn’t do what she wants. However, now these comments are downright mean.
I thought it was just me, but I got a call from her caregiver. This woman is a saint. She is far more patient than any of us and can almost always turn aside the biting remarks. She told me that our elder seemed to be developing a mean streak. That pretty much indicates that it’s not just me.
The last thing was a shocking, rude verbal attack on someone for no real reason. I knew then that something had changed. I also knew something had to be done about it. Verbal attacks can be a precursor to physical attacks.
I contacted her doctor and reported all of this, and the doctor quickly prescribed medication. This medication works wonders…when our elder takes it. The pill is very small and often overlooked or laid aside as a “chip from another pill.”
This caused me to ask a further question. Have we gone past the mild stage of this problem to the moderate stage? The doctor, when asked, told me that these were classic signs.
Knowing that is the first step in coping with moderate dementia. Without being told the diagnosis, we could waste a lot of time with self doubts and difficult emotions. Now, we know what we are dealing with.
When our elder has trouble remembering a word, we try to use the context of her sentence to help her. We do it quietly, and sometimes say more than one word. Our elder appreciates that most of the time.
When it comes to the verbal stuff, many of the coping mechanisms are the same as mild dementia. They are, however, harder to produce. At this point, it is absolutely imperative that no one person have all of the caregiving responsibility. The medication helps, but there are still going to be barbed comments and an attempt to start arguments.
It’s also more important to see to your own needs. While this includes regularly scheduled doctor and dentist visits, your mental health will require some buffering. Joining support groups can be helpful. Others are in the trenches with you and may provide valuable insight or a new idea for helping you cope.
If none of these suggestions help, you may need medication and/or counseling. Both offer many benefits, though medications can cause drowsiness. Your doctor can help you decide what’s right for you.
The most important thing to remember when dealing with moderate dementia is that the person you are caring for isn’t the same anymore. The verbal garbage leveled at you comes from a problem in your elder. It isn’t your fault, and if they were in their right mind, they’d be mortified at their behavior.
