I much prefer the term Chefauxgraphy, as coined I believe by a poster at Television without Pity, because something about Sandra Lee’s Chefography strikes me as being a little off. Sure she sounds sympathetic through much of this poor little me biography, but having watched her for some time, she also has a note of being false. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt somewhat and say that if she was left to raise several little siblings when she was a teenager, then good for her for doing so. But throughout the show she claims that because of this she knows the woman at home and how hard it is to feed her family. I’ll leave her early life alone, because I’m just not here to make fun of a difficult childhood.
We meet very few people on this Chefography episode…her sister Kimber; her best friend Colleen; an executive from Better Homes and Gardens (I think); a producer; and Florence Henderson (who she hired to be a spokeswoman for her Kurtain Kraft). No other family members? No Food Network executives or other chefs? Does this strike you as odd?
Let’s begin with her start to fame: Kurtain Kraft…crappy, or should I say krappy and very fluffy curtains made by sticking fabric through metal. Ok, not a terrible idea and perfect for a county fair, but did you see the fabric explosion that was her designed room for the infomercial? Wow sums it up, and not in a good way. Wait let’s back up first…so she designed these while a college student when she wanted to decorate her dorm. Ok, I’ll buy that. She then says that it was 1992 and she had to sell a car to pay for a booth at the County Fair where they sold like crazy. I’ll even buy that (you never know what will sell at a County Fair). So a year later she wants to do more so she invested her $50,000 “life savings” to hire Florence Henderson and make an infomercial. Never mind that she stalked poor Mrs. Brady until she gave in and did the stupid commercial, we have to forgive her for that because she was just so darned excited about her Krappy Kurt…uh, Kurtain Kraft. (What, they were out of C’s when you made the sign?)
Wait, wait, wait…didn’t she say she had to sell her car the year before so she could pay for a booth? Now a year later she has $50,000 in life savings? Yeah…NOT buying that one. Oh yes, she also claims in an article from 2002 that she made $10 million in Kurtain Kraft the first year…but had to take $50,000 life savings to pay for the infomercial. Something doesn’t add up.
The Kurtains were so successful that she tried to make a tv show called Simply Living, and was pretty darn bad (take a look at the lopsided teacup cupcake she created..yikes)…and frankly, much she was much older looking than she looks now.By the way, anyone else remember that this is a CHEFography? Yeah, I had to make sure because food doesn’t seem to be part of this life. So she moved on to other things and went to the famous Le Cordon Bleu…in Ottawa. This is something she has long claimed in interviews and in print on her own website…attending the famous Cordon Bleu. Let’s see…the Cordon Bleu where she spent two weeks making boullabaise right? She’s said that before, but here she claims she was scraping beef tendons for 3 hours. So what was it…boullabaise (fish stock) or beef tendons? Or does she know the difference? She then goes on to say that “no one cares” if so much time is spent on food because people need time for family. I can’t argue with needing time for family, but people do care about the quality of the food they eat and the taste. Would I spend hours scraping beef tendons…no, but then again, I’m not a chef and I didn’t attend the famous culinary institute. Claim to be a Cordon Bleu trained chef, then you’d darn well better care…otherwise, drop the claim.
From there is born good old Semi-homemade, the cookbook. A favorite grandmother died so she put the book on hold and traveled. She did find a publisher for her cookbook to put on QVC… claiming “it’s always been my own money” (I’m sure her ex-husband millionaire Bruce Karatz of KB Homes put no money into it or any of her ventures-just saying. Funny how he isn’t mentioned in the story of her life.)Food Network then approached her about making Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee but she said “I’m not a chef”. Truer words, truer words. The first shows claimed that semi-ho was 70% store bought and 30% fresh ingredients…it has now devolved to 70% store bought ready made and 30% fresh ingredients AND creative touches. So basically, you’re barely getting anything fresh in your menu.
She spent months getting her kitchen right for the show and insisted on an electric range like she cooked with when she was growing up. Except, she has a flat top electric range on her show…didn’t those come along much more recently than what would be her youth? Whatever, details don’t count with her. She says it’s very hard doing television, especially food because food doesn’t always do what you expect it to do. HERE is where I simply love the editing crew on this Chefography. They cut to a scene of her filming her show and she’s opening a springform cake pan over dead space…not even over the counter. She looks mighty darn surprised that the springform pan actually, I don’t know, sprung open and the cake dropped on the floor. That’s a superbly trained chef there.
At some point here she really riles a lot of women in America by claiming that she takes offense when food critics criticize her show because, she says, “you are taking a shot at every woman in America who is just trying to get it done”. Uh sweetie, Sandra..please don’t speak for me, thank you very much. I’m getting it done; I’m even semi-homemaking it, but with actual real fresh ingredients mixed with store bought and trying to make it actually taste good. I’m not crapping up store bought products with ingredients that don’t mix well to produce god awful taste sensations. (oh, ok…I made a pretty bad batch of asparagus the other night in a misguided attempt at adding other stuff to them…blech.) Not every woman in America thinks that fresh veggies are too hard to do.
She claims that she really has an understanding of what busy women, mothers and kids like to eat (never mind the men who actually like to cook or to eat). She focuses on healthful and thoughtful recipes. Really? Such as her first show entitled: Candy. The menu was cherry lollipops, made with jello; fondant wrapped marshmallows (yes, marshmallows wrapped with fondant); meringue smooches; and a lollipop decoration. each and every one were thoughtful and healthful. What, you don’t think candy is thoughtful? Kids love it. Geez people. Another thoughtful recipe was the Star of David cake, featured one show: blue frosting with an 8 point pear Star of David poised on top.
Again, on to the show and what it takes for an episode. She makes lists of what her show will be and everything she needs. She mentions: easy and economical decorating tips; dozens of candles; cake pedestals; matching silverware; fabric; crafts; stylists to help create decorations, especially the recipe box that matches the changing décor. Don’t know about you, but I certainly am considering redecorating my recipe box for each night of the week. Do you see anything missing in the list of what she needs for the show? Look again, really closely…remembering that this is a CHEFography. Ding ding ding ding…yes, it’s FOOD. Ppphhttt, who needs to concentrate on food in a cooking show?
One of her guests says that she has brought back the slow cooker “so smartly” bringing it to a generation with practical recipes. Sure, like her pumpkin risotto for the slow cooker (criminy…it’s a crockpot!). You only have to stir the risotto every ½ hour for about 5 hours, but I use my crockpot so I can be tied to my kitchen, how about you? I think many of the “real American women” never stopped using their slow cookers. I use mine at least once a month. Another of her guests says that “Sandra looks like she’s had a very privileged life; she’s very pretty”. Alrighty then…so pretty = privileged and underprivileged = ugly? Might think about what you say there sweetie before you insult the women in your audience
Her sister Kimber sums up some things for us, or tries to, by saying that “semi-homemade for me and others brings everything to reality, makes it possible”. Yuppers…next time I want to throw a party I’ll try some of these practical ideas that she has done on her show: put up a tent from the army surplus store in my back yard and borrow an Army jeep for ambience; take dining table and chairs AND hang a chandelier in a park; how about setting up a table, electric skillet and 50 other pieces of kitchen equipment on the beach; and a recent goodie of a party at the racetrack where I particularly loved the shiny new hubcaps as chargers, because those are so inexpensive.
Sadly enough, she does call the cocktail time her favorite part of the show, which is where I do have a bit of sympathy for her. She takes such glee in her show about the cocktails that it’s really pretty sad. But please, someone stop her from making the “kiddie cocktails”. No, they don’t have alcohol, but why is she encouraging children to enjoy cocktail time?
I would find her whole story much more believable if the details didn’t change from story to story. Just read her press kit and the various interviews she’s done: her age changes; her role in philanthropic adventures changes (first she was a founding member of the Children Hospital L.A. board of directors, then she was just a member); her philosophy changes. Stick with a story…remember dear, it’s all recorded.
