Detective Elliot Stabler is played by Christopher Meloni in the long running Law & Order: Special Victims Unit television series. Detective Stabler is known for his devotion to the job and his willingness to bend the rules for justice. The following are many of his best quotes. Included below are lines from Detective Olivia Benson is played by Mariska Hargitay, Detective John Munch played by Richard Belzer, Detective Odafin “Fin” Tutuola played by Ice-T, Captain Donald Cragen played by Dann Florek, M.E. Melinda Warner played by Tamara Tunie, Dr. George Huang played by B.D. Wong, and Detective Lucius Blaine played by Anthony Anderson.
M.E. Melinda Warner: No fluids present. Tests show spermicide common in condoms.
[M.E. removes an organ from the body]
Det. Elliot Stabler: This is fun.
Officer: A bunch of scouts stargazing from the roof up there spotted her.
Det. Olivia Benson: They’re looking down to see stars?
Officer: More like peeping at other heavenly bodies.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Never got that merit badge.
Det. Olivia Benson: Your one night as a bachelor and you go to the grocery store? That’s lame.
Det. Elliot Stabler: A grocery store with strippers.
[Regarding death threats]
Det. John Munch: That’s why none of my four ex-wives ever made good on their threats. There’s nothing to inherit.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Except your Warren Commission memorabilia.
Det. Olivia Benson: He’s got a wedding ring, is this a married couple?
Det. Elliot Stabler: Trust me, married couples don’t have sex in parks
[Detectives Stabler and Benson want to interview a Chinese woman]
Det. Olivia Benson: It could take hours to track down a translator.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Doc, can you translate?
Dr. George Huang: What, you just assume I speak Chinese?
Det. Elliot Stabler: No, I heard you order take-out once.
Det. Elliot Stabler: How many hookers you ever see strangle somebody with a hotpants?
Det. Olivia Benson: Elliot, these aren’t a hotpants, they’re leggings, you wear them to the gym.
Det. Elliot Stabler: So we’re looking for a hooker who works out?
Det. Olivia Benson: Yeah. I’m a regular monk.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Monkette.
Det. Olivia Benson: Half my genes are drunk the other half’s violent and cruel.
Det. Elliot Stabler: And look how great you turned out.
Det. Olivia Benson: His dirty laundry is cleaner than my entire wardrobe. Look, he has them all labeled: whites, colored, drycleaning.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Anything marked ‘bloody clothes’?
Det. Olivia Benson: Three fireplaces, guy could have come in through the chimney.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Maybe we should be looking for a guy in a red suit.
Det. Olivia Benson: Entry wound from the back. He was running away.
Det. Elliot Stabler: That tends to happen when you’re looking in the barrel of a gun.
Det. Olivia Benson: The rapist got raped in jail.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Oh well, remind me to mourn later.
[After a fight]
Det. Lucius Blaine: Sorry about your shirt.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Sorry about your face.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Doc, I saw the ‘art’ in your office, and even I was uncomfortable with how many phalluses were on display.
Dr. Preston Blair: That’s because you’re a bourgeois American, completely uptight about sex. It’s what screws up your children and turns them into sex offenders.
Det. Elliot Stabler: You lost me at ‘bourgeois.’
Dr. George Huang: Do you gamble, Elliot?
Det. Elliot Stabler: Only with birth control.
Sebastian Ballentine: I’m Sebastian Ballentine.
Det. Elliot Stabler: The Sebastian Ballentine?
Sebastian Ballentine: You’ve heard of me?
Det. Elliot Stabler: No.
Capt. Donald Cragen: Take someone with you.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Are you offering to be my partner?
Capt. Donald Cragen: I’m not your type.
Det. Elliot Stabler: I might have better luck with a guy. Women keep leaving me.
[About a sperm sample]
Perp: I can’t do this.
Det. Elliot Stabler: What, you have a fight with your right hand? Sure you can
Det. Fin Tutuola: Hey, I heard you had the best wiener in town?
Wiener Man: The best.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Well, the girls at the club say your thangs no big thang.
Officer: We called an interpreter.
Det. Olivia Benson: I can speak Spanish, French and three others. What is he?
Det. Elliot Stabler: Deaf.
Necrophiliac: I’m sure she told you what a miserable failure I was.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Yeah, she did, and we had a good laugh at your expense.
Capt. Donald Cragen: You know what, Elliot, you’re a good man and one hell of a cop, but God knows how Olivia put up with you for so long.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Oh … well, Olivia’s a saint.
Det. Elliot Stabler: I’m supposed to be meeting Kathy for drinks tonight. I’m moving back in.
Det. Olivia Benson: When?
Det. Elliot Stabler: I’m not sure, that’s why we decided to have drinks.
Capt. Donald Cragen: You know why I put Blaine with you?
Det. Elliot Stabler: You started drinking again?
Suspect: I swear, I never laid a hand on her.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Right, your little tadpoles just swam on in.
Sid: [To Det. Olivia Benson] You’re pretty enough to be a dancer.
Det. Olivia Benson: Thanks Sid.
Sid: [To Det. Elliot Stabler] You’re not.
Det. Elliot Stabler: It’s the cross I have to bear.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Eternal damnation is not a police matter
Other Reading:
“Best Law & Order Jack McCoy Quotes
Best Law & Order Lennie Briscoe Quotes
Best Law & Order SVU Olivia Benson Quotes
Best Law & Order SVU John Munch Quotes
Best Law & Order SVU Fin Tutuola Quotes
Sources:
“Law and Order: SVU Quotes”, TVLoop
“Law & Order: Special Victims Unit Quotes, IMDB
“Detective Olivia Benson Quotes”, IMDB
“Detective Odafin “Fin” Tutuola”, IMDB
“Detective Elliot Stabler”, IMDB
livi_wells, “SVU Best Quotes”, Fanpop
“Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”, IMDB
“Law and Order”, IMDB
Reference:
- www.associatedcontent.com/article/6097424/best_law_order_svu_olivia_benson_quotes.htm
- www.associatedcontent.com/article/6097448/best_law_order_svu_john_munch_quotes.html
- www.associatedcontent.com/article/6097460/best_law_order_svu_fin_tutuola_quotes.html
