To meet her, you’d never know anything was unique about Ruby Davis. She’s a married, middle-aged, college-educated black woman with four children. All boys.
Her values are like many people in her subset. Get an education. Work hard. Live clean and with-in the law. Vote. Be a good citizen. Sound familiar?
The only thing that separates her from many other women in her demographics is that when she fell in love it was with a man of another race. He’s white. It’s a union that puts her in connection with only 2.7% of the American population according to the most recent US Census Bureau statistics.
So, how did a black woman who follows all of the rules end up falling in love with a white man?
Mrs. Davis’ answers to this question are simple and give an eagle’s view on how life is different now for many interracial couples versus 50 years ago when this type of union was illegal in many states.
Modkins: How long have you and your husband been together?
Davis: Almost 15 years.
Modkins: Wow. That’s a long time. How did you meet?
Davis: We met when we were in college. My husband was a basketball coach and I was working as an assistant.
Modkins: Was it love at first sight?
Davis: No. Not at all. We hung out for a while as friends until one day I caught him googling at me?
Modkins: Googling? What do you mean?
Davis: He was staring at me and I could tell that he liked me. It was the first time I ever thought about us being together.
Modkins: What happened next?
Davis: We started dating.
Modkins: Was he the first white man you’d ever dated?
Davis: Pretty much. I dated a bi-racial man in the past, but not anyone who was white. It was the same for him. I was the first black woman he’d ever dated too.
Modkins: Was it different dating a white man versus a black man?
Davis: I hate to say so, but “yes.”
Modkins: What’s the difference?
Davis: I felt he was more loving, kind and respectful. It could have been the black men I was dating, but I don’t know.
Modkins: How did your family feel about you two being together?
Davis: They have both been very accepting of it.
Modkins: No one ever voiced any concerns or rejection of it? What about when you got married?
Davis: No. Our family has always been very supportive. No one rejected our relationship and everyone came to the wedding.
Modkins: What about the public? Do people ever stare or make comments?
Davis: Well. (Pause) Sometimes people feel the need to make comments to us. Most of them are positive. They make a point to tell us that we have a nice family or beautiful children.
Modkins: Has anyone ever been negative?
Davis: The strangest comments I get are from co-workers.
Modkins: Where do you work?
Davis: Walmart. I am a supervisor.
Modkins: What do your co-workers say?
Davis: Co-workers who don’t know that I’m married to a white man usually express their surprise about it. It’s a move they never guessed I’d make. Also, co-workers who also are dating someone of another (black) race feel the need to tell me about it.
Modkins: Is your marriage to a white man something you publicize to others?
Davis: No. It’s no big deal to me. I don’t think of my husband as a white man. I just think of him as my husband.
Modkins: Usually, people who are against interracial relationships say it’s because of the children. They are worried about what happens to bi-racial children in society and psychologically. Was this ever a concern of yours?
Davis: It was a thought. Not a huge concern.
Modkins: Have you ever spoken to your children about it?
Davis: We’ve played it by ear. Right now, we feel they’re just too young to be aware of it and it doesn’t seem to be an issue.
Modkins: Do any of your children ever ask you a question about race?
Davis: Only once. One of our sons made a comment about us being of different races. He noticed that my husband was white and spoke about the rest of the (immediate) family being black.
Modkins: How did you deal with it?
Davis: We didn’t make a big deal about it. It was just an observation.
Modkins: If it ever becomes an issue in the future, do you and your husband know what you’re going to say to your children?
Davis: Right now. No. We’ll just deal with it as it comes.
Modkins: What do you want the world to know about people who fall in love with another person of a different race?
Davis: Only that race really doesn’t matter. As long as you’re in love that’s the most important thing. Everything else is a none issue.
Modkins. So love is the reason why you fell in love with your husband?
Davis: Yes. I love him very much and that’s the key to our successful marriage.
