We’ve all had to deal with them, bosses and co-workers who think that the way to deal with their fellow employees is by bullying them. But what exactly is a workplace bully? A workplace bully is a boss or fellow employee who uses intimidation, threats, and demeaning language towards his/her co-workers and employees. This can result in behaviors such as physical violence, like throwing things, or pushing stuff off of a desk violently, screaming and yelling, and placing blame by using demeaning language such as, “I’m pissed off at you, because you screwed up this project!” to name a few.
The main goal of a bully is to have control. Bullies tend to be very insecure people, and feel that they must control everything around them in order to make themselves feel as though they are worthy.
Bullying can take many forms, and can be so insidious as to be completely ignored by Human Resources and or management. Many times such incidences are labeled miscommunications, personality conflicts and misunderstandings, and typically the targeted person is made to feel as though they are the one at fault. But the fact of the matter is bullying is showing disrespect and is abusive, pure and simple.
If the person doing the bullying is being subtle about it, the bullying usually takes the form of humiliating their employees, and co-workers in front of others, put-downs, belittling comments, and name-calling are their tools. They may make tasteless and or hurtful jokes and then when the person targeted responds by getting upset, the person is told they need to “get a sense of humor,” or that the bully was “just kidding, and can’t you take a joke?” They target specific individuals or groups of individuals in order to emotionally destroy their targets. Which brings me to my next point, workplace bullying is not always a one person plan, but can actually involve several individuals in a group who are targeting other individuals, and or groups. This can make it especially hard if you are an individual being targeted by a group of bullies, and may make you feel as though you have no recourse but to buckle under the abuse. However that is not the case, you do have recourse, even if it is all of upper management doing the abusing.
Here are some tips for handling bullies in the workplace.
1. Decide if the job is worth keeping. It may be that it is not worth it to you to stay in such a hostile environment, while the bully or bullies as the case may be set out to destroy you and your career. If it is not worth keeping, then begin seeking another job or give two weeks notice if you have the financial resources to quit before you find another job.
2. No matter what you decide whether to leave or stay, keep a journal of all contacts with the bully or bullies. Write down the dates, and times, and exactly what was said by both you and the tormentor(s). This is both to protect you and your fellow workers. You never know when someone in the future may file a lawsuit against the bully or the company stating hostile work environment, and it may be that your testimony is needed. Having it all down in a journal helps everyone. It also helps if you decide to go to Human Resources and can state dates, times and incidents. Also, copies can be made for your and the abuser’s file as well. That may be all that happens but at least if you leave and someone else is targeted, or you are not the only that has filed a complaint, it lends credence for the future.
3. For the rest of the time you are at the company, don’t respond negatively to the bully. If the bully or bullies continue to target you, respond mildly rather than openly getting upset. The person or group of bullies wants to get a negative reaction from you. If they do then they feel they’ve won by making you lose control, and therefore in their minds they have gained control over you. Don’t give it to him/her or them. This is hard to do, I’m not suggesting that it is not, and you will find that bullies will escalate when you respond mildly. However, if you continue to respond mildly and they are getting more and more out of control or even violent, be prepared for that, it is they who look bad, not you.
4. Another option and again be prepared for a violent reaction to this, is when the bully is finished talking look at him/her/them and ask, “Really, well let’s see what so, and so thinks about that.” Then call over a fellow employee whom you trust and when the employee arrives ask, “So, am to understand that you are saying…….” Make the bully repeat what he has been saying to you in the presence of others. Solicit others whose opinions you trust to hear what the bully is saying. Put the bully on the spot. Again this can be very difficult to do, but doing so gives you back the control which in reality you have in the first place. Bullies want you to believe they are in control, but this is false. You always have free choice no matter what the bully says.
5. If you have been working a lot of overtime, taking on a lot of extra projects and in general doing the work of more than one person, STOP! Go back to your regular eight hour day, refuse extra projects. Only do the work of one person which is what you were hired for. Under the law companies cannot expect employees to do more work than they can handle unless you signed something upon hiring saying that you agreed to a lot of overtime and that they could work you like a dog. In most cases this isn’t the case, you may have agreed to occasional overtime such as during tax season for example if you work for a company that prepares taxes, but rarely does anyone sign something giving up a lot of their free time for overtime. So, stop doing overtime, and stop taking on extra projects. There is nothing wrong with saying no. Employees are often afraid to say no, particularly in the case of a bully because bullies like to use the threat of demotion, or job loss to force you to do what they want. In reality you have rights as an employee and one of them is not to be overworked. While most companies make you sign a paper stating they can let you go without reason, the longer you are at a company the harder it is for them to be able to do that. For one thing when you apply for unemployment if the unemployment office doesn’t think your being let go was for a valid reason, they can actually force the company to hire you back.
6. Take care of yourself both physically and mentally. Bullies want to drag you down, make you so tired and stressed out that you cannot function properly because it makes them feel powerful and in control. So, get 8 hours of sleep a night, eat healthy foods, exercise, and do things you enjoy. I always suggest to those who ask me what they can do to maintain their mental health during a stressful job situation to take a Yoga class, or rent a video and start practicing Yoga. Yoga reduces stress and teaches you how to breath so that you are less stressed. It worked wonders for me when I was in a similar situation.
The important thing to keep in mind is that bullies are about control, so don’t give yours up to them. Whatever you decide, to leave or to stick it out, keep in mind that you are in control of your destiny, not the bully.
