A condolence letter or note may be the most important type of correspondence you ever write but they are also the most challenging. Knowing exactly what to say to someone who is grieving is difficult, especially when it seems that words just aren’t enough to express your feelings. But a well-written condolence letter or note can actually be a meaningful source of comfort to those in grief. The fact that you have taken the time to express your care and thoughts for the bereaved can help to lift their spirits in this time of sorrow.
Condolence Letter
A condolence letter is always personal and should be hand-written. Simple white, grey or neutral colored stationary should be used. A commercial sympathy card can be given but it is always best to insert your letter inside this card. Merely signing your name to a commercial card is not enough to express your feelings to the family.
Write the letter in a personal way, as if you are speaking to the person face-to-face. The person reading the letter should feel you are having a personal conversation with them. Your letter should express two main messages: to offer tribute to the deceased and to be a source of comfort to the family.
You should begin your letter by acknowledging the deceased by name and their loss. Express your sympathy by describing how you feel about the loss. Continue by describing the positive qualities of the deceased and why he will be missed. If you were close to the deceased, convey a memory of him that you cherish. At this time you can remind the bereaved of their own special strengths that will help them survive this loss and also offer any assistance you can give. In closing, offer a thoughtful word and end the letter with an expression of sympathy such as “You are in my thoughts.”
Condolence Note
There may be instances when you were not close enough to the deceased to include a letter such as described above. In those cases a sympathy card with a short handwritten note inside may be more appropriate. Again, it is best to write at least a few words rather than just signing your name at the bottom of a card.
When writing a short note you should begin by acknowledging the loss and using the name of the deceased. A few words of sincere sympathy over the loss are appropriate and, if possible, note any special qualities of the deceased that you may know from experience. End the note with a heartfelt expression of sympathy such as “My thoughts are with you and your family.”
Who receives the letter?
In the case of a deceased spouse or child it is apparent whom you should send the condolence letter to but sometimes it isn’t so clear. The best rule of thumb is to send the letter to the closest relative of the deceased (parent, spouse, life-partner or child) or to the person who you are closest to and address it to the entire family. Your expression of sympathy is what it important and will help to make the grieving family feel a little better for having received it.
A good condolence letter or note should speak from the heart. Write what feels right for each individual person and you will have sent a meaningful, memorable letter.
