Many couples find that their marriages have grown stale and worn out over time, and yet for some reason, they wonder why this has occurred. When dating as a new couple, they took advantage of every opportunity to spend time with each other, including by communicating frequently via phone call, email, and text. They created happy, carefree memories together, sometimes doing exciting things while others times just hanging out and enjoy each other’s company. But at some point – usually a year or two into marriage or after the arrival of children – the couple stopped “dating” and put their relationship on “autopilot”.
Why date your spouse?
Dating your spouse has a number of benefits. Dating your spouse takes your relationship out of autopilot which, while comfortable, is rather boring in the short-term and marriage-threatening in the long-term. Dating your spouse is one of the most important forms of marriage “maintenance” you can do, second in importance only to resolving conflicts constructively.
Dating your spouse helps you re-connect with your spouse -emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and physically – and reminds you why you married them in the first place. Dating also creates variety and interesting experiences in your life – new places, restaurants, experiences, and allows you to share them with your spouse. Dates with your spouse create a positive relationship history – a tapestry of fond memories that strengthen your relationship and can act as a shock absorber during difficult times.
However, the most important reason for dating your spouse is to help both of you feel loved, valued, and cared for. By purposefully planning and carrying out dates, your husband or wife will feel that he or she is your most important priority. While it does take effort to plan fun and interesting dates with your spouse, the special things you do together will strengthen your bond and rekindle your friendship and passion for each other.
Dating your spouse doesn’t need to be complicated, but it should be planned at least a few days ahead, including by asking out your spouse for the date. Asking for a date helps build anticipation and excitement, and gives your spouse the opportunity to verbally re-affirm their desire to spend time with you. And best of all, you know they will say yes (If they don’t, you should see a marriage counselor immediately)! If you want to score some extra points, trying asking your spouse in creative ways, including with a save-the-date invitation where you announce the time and dress for the date along with dropping a perplexing hint regarding the plans.
Dates can involve literally anything, so long as they are away from kids, work, and technology devices. You might hand each other your phones for the night to prevent fidgety email-checking or other deeply-engrained technology habits. Your dates should be enjoyable, though you don’t always have settle on a compromised choice. Alternating your top preferences might be a better route, where you go shopping with your wife one time while next time she takes you to watch your favorite team play in person.
It is a good idea for both you and your spouse to plan dates. That way, you can each plan dates that are interesting and more involved than the standard (and tired) dinner and movie. Additionally, you’ll do a wider variety of things that you both enjoy, and enjoy both pursuing and being pursued by your spouse. Keeping your date plans secret from each other definitely adds mystery and excitement to your life, making date night much anticipated and greatly enjoyed. The dating concept can be extended by periodic Saturday adventures or weekend getaways together.
And finally, the excuse about not having a sitter can easily be solved by hiring one though by Care.com or similar means. Developing the habit of regularly dating your spouse will help you develop an amazing and productive marriage.
