Walgreens. Yuck. Don’t get me wrong, Walgreens is a strong company that practices good business. I just think working there sucks-a lot. Regardless, this is my perception of the various Walgreens positions.
The Service Clerk
This is the bottom of the barrel. A service clerk is an entry level position whose responsibilities include stocking the shelves, manning the cashier, emptying totes (thousands of blue bins that contain random store items), and helping customers. If monotony is your thing, this is your ideal job. The highlight of the day is retrieving carts from the parking lot. The typical service clerk has an impressive resume, most likely consisting of a High School Diploma from 1969 and a positive check for convicted felon.
Photo Counter
You’re moving up in the world. Welcome to the Photo Counter. Here you can catch glimpses of people leading slightly more colorful lives. You might see anything, whether it be a family portrait, or nude pictures being developed by a creepy boyfriend. The Photo Specialist boasts the added responsibility of stocking the freezer. Look at the bright side. Should you ever get sick of living in the States, you could print a couple illegal passports, run down to Mexico, and sell them for a pretty penny.
Welcome to the Big Leagues. You’ve just received a ten dollar promotion. Now you can finally afford that coke during break instead of Walgreens cola. Whats more, you can fill your Photo Specialist’s Viagra prescription. Huh? That’s weird. Viagra is blue. Can you believe you actually went to school for this? How proud will your kid be on Bring Your Dad to School Day. What can you do the kids ask. You can name the pills of the rainbow. Don’t worry though, the relentless teasing your kid goes through as a consequence will ensure a high self-esteem with equally high aspirations. Now you have someone to carry on the family business.
You made it. Walgreens managers are the epitome of self-righteousness. Perhaps you were lucky enough to get your associates from the local community college. Now you’re a true bread winner. As an added bonus, you’re trustworthy enough to do customer returns. What more could you ask for in life? You get a set of hand me down keys, a shiny new name tag AND you get to wear a tie to work. You’re really going somewhere with your life. Tonight, you can rest easy.
