On UrbanDictionary.com, the term frenemy is described as an “enemy disguised as a friend.” This description may sound harsh. Practically speaking, the definition is far more accurate than people are willing to admit. In female social circles, the “frenemy” has become something of a necessary element. TV shows such as “Gossip Girl”, “Girlfriends”, and “Desperate Housewives” have all counted on this phenomenon in order to become a success. Reality shows like the “Real Housewives” franchise are completely hinged upon the cattiness that exists amongst the women featured. (Who would really tune into a reality show in which all the cast members sat around telling one another how terrific they are?) Yes, frenemies are a much-needed part of society, whether some women will admit to it or not. Granted, not all women seek out these types of relationships. But a good number of them remain friends with women that they don’t “completely” like. The question is-why? The “Competition” Keeps Them on Their Toes
Of the superhero team, Batman and Robin, nobody ever fights to be Robin. This is the fundamental root of the frenemy relationship. And it works both ways. The person who feels she’s “on top” in the friendship needs to be around someone who wants to keep up; thus, she feels successful in her own right. The person who attempts to keep up with the Joneses always has something to “aspire to.” To most, it seems like a sick dynamic. But since jealousy is often the cause of issues in female friendships, it is a popular one. While it certainly isn’t necessary for success, women sometimes feel the need to measure their worth against something familiar to them.
While it may be hard to believe, there are actually some women who believe that having frenemies to hang out with is better than hanging out alone. These are the women who may have had difficulty establishing meaningful friendships with other ladies. Some simply “trap” themselves in a situation in which most of the women around them are nominal friends at best. Whatever the case may be, a good number of the female population leans on their frenemies to guide them through awkward social waters.
Frenemies with Benefits
It may sound shallow; but plenty of women hang onto their frenemy relationships purely for selfish purposes. Consider that ‘Friend A’ is a total (insert expletive here), but just so happens to have access to all the hottest parties in town. Or perhaps ‘Friend A’ is ridiculously wealthy and doesn’t mind footing the bill for outings or playing hostess 80% of the time. For some women, that ‘Friend A’ isn’t the nicest person is of no consequence; she has become a frenemy with benefits. These aren’t necessarily qualities that most women should aspire to. But it is in fact, a small part of the complex tapestry that is female friendship.
Trust Issues
The old adage that one should keep her enemies close plays a strong part of the frenemy concept. This is a popular mode of thinking for women who feel threatened (for whatever reason) by their female friends. They believe that in order to prevent being taken advantage of, they must remain two steps ahead. Want to know if she’s got designs on your boyfriend? Just listen to the qualities that she likes in a man. Better yet, hang out with her and see what kinds of men she goes for in nightclubs. Ironically, it never occurs to women with trust issues that they should simply stay away from people they believe would harm them in the future (whether man or woman.) Ultimately, the idea that one should keep enemies closer is one that appears to offer most women more grief than relief.
