We have all lost someone. Be it our children, parents, grandparents, cousins, aunt, uncles, or friends, everyone has lost someone and has gone through the grieving process. But do we ever stop grieving? I think that we will always grieve for them in some way or another. Sure we go on with our lives because that is what we do and what they would want us to do but we will never stop missing or thinking of them. It is just too hard to go through life with someone you love and are very close to and then all of a sudden they’re gone. So whether it be holidays, anniversary’s of their death, their birthday or just a day when we’re thinking of them we keep on grieving until the day we will are with them again.
When I was twelve years old I lost my twenty two year old brother to murder. His wife would rather see him dead than let him divorce her so that’s what she did. He was my big brother and I loved him so much. I never got a real chance to get to know him like I should have because I was so young. I remember the last words he said to me the night it happened. He had ordered pizza and right before and as he walked out the door to go to the bar he said I could have some of his pizza. I ate some of it that night and when we found out the next day he was dead I felt guilty for eating my brothers pizza. I know it might sounds silly but that’s just the way I felt.
I am missing him so much these days. Last month was the anniversary of his death. January 31st, 1993 was the day it happened. At 3:15 am. His birthday is July 1st and he would have been 35 last July. He is the one who inspired me to write. He wrote poems and he drew and he was an awesome painter. He was supposed to go to art school before he died but sadly because of his wife it didn’t happen. He would have been a great artist and writer.
A few weeks before he was murdered he was completely clean from drugs and alcohol. He was trying to be a better man even though besides his drinking and smoking pot he was already a great man in my eyes. He was my hero and my inspiration and I loved him very much. He was good to our family and was always the one trying to keep the peace between me and my mom. He and my sister were really close but she and I weren’t close at all and still aren’t to this day. I regret not trying to get close to her in case I lose her too someday but she is the hardest person anyone can get close to.
Anyway the grieving process never stops but we do heal along the way. We look back and think of the good times and even the bad times and we miss them so much that it hurts. We often wonder what it would be like if they were still around. I like to think that our loved ones are always around us watching over us all the time. When we smell something familiar of theirs it is their way of telling us they are near and when we’re thinking of them it is also their way of letting us know they are there. They are all around us and that is a comfort to me to know that they haven’t really left us. We will see them one day when we go home but in the meantime we have to just keep them alive in our hearts with all of the memories we have. We can never forget them and wouldn’t be able to even if we tried. Not that we would want to forget them. They left a mark on our hearts that will never go away and that’s where they will keep on living.
