In this day and age, people of all races, cultures and genders are coming together and nobody is truly shocked by anything anymore. It has become the norm to see a man kissing his boyfriend and people of mixed heritage. I like to think that we are evolving, becoming more tolerant and excepting the choices that our fellow man makes. We believe that love is truly blind but as a black woman, I still can’t help but flinch when I see a black man with a white woman. I know many people think thats wrong but it’s true and many black women feel the same. It shakes something deep within us and has quite the effect on our self-esteem, especially if that black man uses it as an excuse to put us down, which happens quite frequently.
My brother is involved with a young caucasian girl and she is the sweetest, kindest person I have ever met. They are truly in love and I am proud of that. I am also proud of the fact that my brother chose her because he really liked her. Not every black man does that. They say they choose white women because we are too loud and have too much attitude. They call us materialistic and judgmental. They complain about our fake nails and fake hair and heavier frames. They say we never want to please them in bed and hate giving oral sex. In other words, they feel like we aren’t worth the effort and deem us less then. So, not only do we have to look at their image when we’re told what’s beautiful but we have to listen to all these so-called qualities that make us even less attractive. It is one thing to fall in love or be with someone because of how they make you feel. We already feel the full effect of the differences when we see a black man with a white woman. Her long hair and pale skin. Her small frame and light, airy, go-with-the-flow attitude. We already know deep down that the reason you’re with her is because you find her beauty more attractive. If it was just kept at that, then it would be our issue to deal with. We don’t need the nail hammered deeper in by being called offensive things that aren’t true of 80% of us.
We do it too. We complain and categorize black men by the stupid things one or two have done to us. We say they are all no good. They all lie and are out for only one thing. We don’t give the good ones a chance because we’re too busy chasing after the not-so-good ones. The only thing is, we complain but we stick with them. We are loyal and sometimes the thought of being with another race boggles our mind because we can’t picture it. It’s nothing against other races, it just that we have been taught to support and love our black men. When we date outside our race, it’s more because we have found true love, not because we’re sick of black men.
I was talking to associate one day and he was telling me how he met someone recently. I asked a little about her and he went on to tell me she was white and how he was really feeling her. I was reminded of this piece I was working on, so I asked him what the draw was. He made the mistake of opening his mouth. He went on the “black women” tirade and I snapped. I told him that not every black woman was the same. I told him I was sick of hearing about our attitudes because we have confidence and won’t put up with any crap thrown our way. We have goals and ambitions and excuse us for expecting our men to be the same. I explained to him that a black woman is a man’s test of character and if he isn’t strong enough to walk with us, he’s not strong enough. We refuse to take a subservient role and play these asinine games of trying to make whiny, bratty boys into men. I reminded him that for every black man that fears and rejects us, there are two who love and cherish us. I told him that next time, he just say love is blind and shut up.
